first dance from afar

i don't like attending weddings.

i used to like the foods, the gatherings when we can chit-chat with our table-mates, table-hopping in between servings, also i like the facts that i can dress-up a bit for the occasion, 'coz when you work as an engineer you're only allowed to wear boring clothes to work.

but recently i started to feel something when i see the matrimonies. the more romantic it is, the more uncomfortable i feel. like just now when i went to this colleague's wedding dinner at sentosa 'the arches.

i was standing at the building balcony overlooking the opening surrounded by oil lamps ala survivors where the couple began their first dance, being led by musicians playing violins and organ at one corner, when i felt something in my heart.

i saw other ppl watching the dance admirably step by step from aside and i very much like to be one of them but i couldn't help feeling envious inside. yeah i think that was the feeling. seeing my old friend whom i played bowling with last time now working in the states and marrying one of the high profile and respected figure in the company, not to mention he's japanese and good looking too.

she has got everything she wanted, didn't she? it's frustrating to see other ppl's good fate and compare it to mine. not that mine's entirely bad but let's face it, i'm not getting married anytime soon. in fact, i'm not sure i'll ever will however bad my father wants me too, so this is something still out of my reach. i hate it when i have things that i cannot have, yet easily accessible to other ppl. it's like i'm cursed or sth.

the were 2 other couples on my table. one of them was this attractive guy with a quite charming girl which looked so in love with each other. the guy from the other couple was not that attractive but at least he has got a wife beside him. me? i was having empty seat on my right, and a rather talkative sometimes annoying colleague on my left. i don't understand where these ppl found their respective soulmates. mine for all i know already drowned in last year's tsunami or maybe among those perished in world war 2.

so when i saw the bride just now playing some tunes from the organ specially for her newly-wedded husband, and when the groom made a touching speech for his newly-wedded wife, i felt so jealous. when i realized i was being surrounded by bunch of married ppl or those already started planning their wedding ceremonies, i felt like a loser.

which is so not what i was expecting to feel on christmas day, after travelling half the island and dropping 80 dollars note in the reception box.


...ed

all i want for christmas

it's christmas eve. if i were going down the chimneys around the world distributing present later, i must be doing some last minute servicing of the sleigh and feeding the reindeers by now.

oh, and also printing the excel file with list of childrens name with 'good' or 'bad' written in the next columns. 'good' in bold green and 'bad' in bold red.

the thing is, i'm not. for once, i'm sitting alone now in my room playing xbox 'top spin'.i just lost in the rolland garros final, so i'm a bit down. ppl must be busy partying outside with friends and special ones, having time of their lives so you probably think i'm a loser.

but hey, i was in a grand slam final, so tell me who's having a lifetime rush of adrenaline?

who needs a christmas party anyway? this year's christmas sucks. everything leading to tonight has been a disappointment.

first, there was this christmas high tea organized by our office department yesterday. yup i typed that right. christmas high tea. who ever heard of that? it was always christmas lunch in previous years. it's like.. married couple not giving wedding dinner in a grand ballroom, but instead, wedding high tea. think they'll live happily ever after?

and the mc, was last year's mc. 4 million ppl roaming this island, they have to resort to the same person. not that i have anything towards repetition, or loyalty for that matter, perhaps this person even came in discounted price this year, but having done his very best last year, he was left with 2nd choice games, tricks and jokes.

so there we were, sitting in not-so-posh furama hotel in chinatown, listening to sub-par programs and eating mediocre foods (no christmas pudding!). cheap and unusable animal suction hanger with words "kiddies enjoy the party time in a bath" in the box that i got for christmas exchange gifts didn't help improve my sentiment.
you'd think it's the thoughts that count, but having received the gift at the entrance reception instead of santa clause distributing from his red sacks last year, i was void of any christmas-sy feelings.

the announcement of the best decorated lorong also was quite an anti-climax. it turned out instead of 2 top prizes, the management decided to award all the lorongs. yes all. then they gave this crap that since everybody gave their whole-hearted effort to decorate, all then should be awarded.

puhleez, that is so only an excuse for not having the gut to call off a winner. it's only right in every competition there'll be winners and losers. it's common sense. think those ppl not coming in top 3 in olympics should also get their respectives medals just because they had given 'their whole-hearted effort'?

so forgive me for being bitter about this year's christmas. having my luck as if turned upside down, i'd be safer and happier at home minding my own little business.

i don't even plan to come down changi airport to pick up my brother later past midnight. he's coming back from jeddah and will stay the night befora taking a bus trip back to kl tomorrow. i'll just inform him my address and ask him to take a cab here.

which makes more sense, considering i'll have to sit quietly by the fireplace waiting for santa with a sauce pan in my hand, in case he's giving me some crappy present.


merry xmas everyone!



...ed

animal city

tomorrow is the official release date of the chronicles of narnia, lion, witch and the wardrobe in singapore.

which i can't be bothered. they could put the cinema screen in front my main door for all i care, and i'd just walk pass through it.

ok maybe not. i caught the show last weekend in JB, half price, and i must say i quite loved it! those talking animals were cute! ..and the queen witch was cool (..and this has nothing to do with her wintery power...)

the only thing is, i appreciate the movie for like 5 minutes before we shifted to another cinema room to catch king kong back to back.

this one is a blockbuster. it was thrilling. the skull island should the last place you want to be with all the weird primitive tribes by the sea shore, those gigantic dinasours stumping everything on their way, those flesh eating carnivours, human size insects, and of course the big ape itself...

now if only the cinema would be void from noisy underage childrens.

it was irritating. some kids were actually running down the isles making noise while their parents became selectively deaf to the nuisance they created. i felt like grabbing those damn kids and throw them head down into t-rex's throat.

seriously.

while narnia's winter ends with the witch's death (or so i assumed that she died because after aslan jumped on her, she was only seen lying on the ground for like 2 seconds. but again, after a lion jumped on you, you'd not be left taking a nap, wouldn't you?), it's still winter in my office.

in fact, it has never been this cold and wintery before. we had cotton snow in every corners, floors and ceilings. the christmas decoration activities was in full force last monday, the day when the judging began. also the day singapore was hit with a serious cotton deficiency.

the best decorated office space result will be announced this friday during the christmas lunch, which i'm so looking forward to. the event last year was a big hit, all enjoyable and fun so i hope this year will be a good one too. the only thing i'm sure of is that it'll be spring in our lorong if we were selected as the winner.

oh, and that there'll be strictly no children during the whole event...



...ed

dangling mistletoes on christmas eve

i just ate toasts for dinner today. toasts! i just felt bloated, like i've eaten too much for the day. i even considered going swimming while walking by the pool on the way back just now. the almost-empty pool looked so tempting but i almost fell asleep in the mrt making me think that i should pamper myself for a good rest tonight.

at work ppl started to decorate their lorong with christmas decorations. we're having this the best-decorated lorong competition which will be due this friday. i thought ppl won't be interested. first, what could we buy with $20 budget? like a few branches off the christmas tree... then, what wld each of us get even if our lorong does get the $150 prize, shared by 15 ppl? like a few cents...

but apparently i was wrong. there were arches in between cubicle partitions with dangling stars, cotton-made snowman, cardboard fire place, even a complete christmas tree dangled with lights. now how's that? i heard ppl even organized meetings to plan their own lorong's decorations. i mean, either ppl are too free from work or maybe i just underestimated father christmas.

the worse thing is, with that kind of atmosphere, ppl almost don't feel like working. how could they? sitting beside the christmas tree surrounded by fake presents, ppl would almost wish for a reindeers trip to get to the lab.

after work, i dropped by raffles place to collect plane ticket for my brother. he'll be flying from kl to s'pore tomorrow on the way to jeddah, so i'll have to pass him the ticket after work at changi. gosh, i always envy ppl that travels for work. it's like the best thing. work for like 5 minutes and spend the rest of the time sight seeing. and being paid for it!

me? i only get to do work under dangling mistletoes.


...ed

swallow me then spit me out

i didn't have chance to utter this out loud but...

MARTINA HINGIS IS BACK!!

it's crap that i don't have anybody around to share this piece of good news. well i have, but not someone who'll care. for all they know, hingis back on the news is like hearing weather forecast of guatemala.

the only tennis fan i know, which is this colleague, is not a hingis fan. and even in ATP tour, he prefers federer than nadal, which is just plain boring.

what ever happened to exclusive good taste?

gosh i missed hingis. i know it's not like i've met her before but i'm glad she's back. the last time when she ruled the tour i wasn't in any position to watch her matches. now at least i can put my 42 inch tv and my S$15 monthly sports channel subscription to a good use.

this may sound crazy but we even look alike! well not that i don short skirt, though i do say a girl is like a man when i see one, but some said that parts of my face resemble hers. or hers resemble mine 'coz i do was born first hahaha!! i'm like a male version of hingis. though it'll be sooner snowing in singapore than me winning the grand slam.

* i was gonna type 'snowing in the middle east desert' in above paragraph but then i recalled dubai has just opened a ski resort, a 3-soccer-field-sized man-made one. gosh i have to go to dubai one of these years *

hingis has this superb tennis senses on court, one of the best craftiness. she makes interesting comments when interviewed, and i'm pretty sure she won't resort to having her mother melanie melator queuing in the next pay counter just so that whoever comes first will make the payment.

can you believe that? that was what i saw while shopping in OG yesterday. when this girl's turn came to pay, her mother who was queuing in the next counter threw the blouse they were gonna buy to this girl, who was queuing in front of me empty handed.

while i have to give them props for finding a stratagic and organized way of queueing for purchace, i was still left stunned for a moment. i bet a few minutes they had saved there could then be put to a better use.

like watching martina's match.

as much as i like worrying for her results when she started playing early next year and perhaps be in danger of being outhit by all those power hitters, i'm more worried now about my brother and his trip to jeddah.

he wanted to fly there this coming week and only looked for tickets last week. i mean, even getting an express bus ticket to a nearby town is almost impossible. ok so i asked for a friend who works in a travel agency to help, and she managed to get him the ticket from s'pore on the 15th.

which should be a happy ending of the story. but while waiting for his passport details via e-mail which never came (which was ironic considering he works in the national biggest telecomunication company) ,the tickets issue date date expired. lucky that somehow my friend managed to get him tickets on the 14th 10pm.

now i was just told that my brother booked a 5pm flight from KL to JB on the same day. 5pm flight! if everything goes smoothly he's gonna reach JB about 6pm. The shuttle bus to S'pore Orchard will take about an hour or more depending on the rush hour traffic, then another 40 minutes traveling time from Orchard to Changi.

i'm not sure how he's gonna take this but i'll freak out if it was me. i mean, if you purchase thousand of dollars worth of air tickets and committed to long journey hours, you won't wanna put anything to waste. it's just too risky.

but hey, he'll probably pull this one off. which i hope he will.

oh and i do wish hingis pull her first match through too!


...ed

signed, sealed, delivered

i'm enjoying peace and quite again.

ok peace isn't too accurate a word to use. it wasn't like i felt violated or stressed from all the activities while my family was here. it was nice with all the companies, and the chatting and spending time around each other. hey, the saying family is gold isn't for nothing...

everything went on smoothly. except maybe that night when i wanted to bring them to east coast hawker center but overshot and ended up near the chalet instead so we had to take cab back to the correct place. plus, it started to rain after we ate i didn't have the chance to show the beach to them.

my mum was like, were we near the sea? didn't realize...

then i realized i left some porn files inside one of the folders on my pc after a day they were here. god knows whether my father ended up opening those during his lengthy use of my pc to surf those political websites which are his second homes. so much of me spending few days in advance sweeping off those dirty files.

anyway i guess it's ok. i mean, it's just some crappy porn files, what's the big deal? i mean, surely it's better porn than actually doing it, right? it's worse if he caught me in bed with another person. at least i'm practising self-control here.

anyway, everything was all said and done. now i feel that i'm back on my life track. i mean, i can take shower at 10pm. i can hear those traffics outside my house again. or blasting confessions on a dancefloor off my 4-surround speakers again. not to mention, (duhh!) i can go to work again!

today the hot topic in morning cafeteria while sipping hot vanding-machine milo and toasts was regarding my ex-boss. apparently he just bought a SGD250K lexus car. yes, a bloody 250K car! it's expensive enough to buy a four room hdb and still have enough left for renovation. and at least hdb is leased minimum 99 years but that car will surely be gone by its 10th year.

some ppl are just plain lucky, fortunate it's almost a crime. well he better be good at work or else he'll find his car with extra pattern scrathes by the time he goes back. not that those are the things we the commoners in the company resort to in the time of vengeance, but again, he must have a reason to park deep inside the company carpark till the car not visible from the crowd path.

me, i'm content of having the most of what's left in year 2005. i think i've been through a lot this year. i've got my own house, keeping my r'ship going on strong the whole year, started picking up guitars and i'm already able to swim.

all signed, sealed and delivered.


...ed

start your engines

5 days more and counting...

that's when my parents will pay me a visit, coming all the way from kl. the first time since, i don't know, 2001? wow, has it been that long? time really flies, doesn't it?

anyway, i'm glad that they're finally coming. it's easier now that they can stay at my new house. nevermind it's like at the edge of the island with no mosque in 2km radius.

i actually checked that off the streetdirectory.com. my father could freak out if he know this, but hey, it's singapore, what does he expect?

to further avoiding any surprises, i spent recent days sweeping my house. not sweep as in using broom, but you know, like when the prime minister's coming and the gov ppl would come in advance and sweep the whole area from any risky elements, like bombs, secret hearing devices etc.

in my case, those risky elements would be, well, there are lots of things. let's just say things that would make less of me in front of their eyes. not tsunami-gonna-strike-again-next-month life-risking secrets, or there's-a-body-underneath-my-swimming-pool-cement law-breaking secrets, but those tiny whiny lil' ones.

it's normal. everybody has secrets from their parents. i mean, which parents would know their super decent children has their first kiss at 14? or the culprit breaking the expensive display troley was not actually the neighbour's cat?

exactly.

so here i am just playing the game.

gentlemen, start your engines.


...ed

raya '05

i'm uploading hari raya photos and videos onto my pc right now, so i figured i can write sth here rather than opening the new madonna hung up 'live' performance i just got hold off.

i just got back from kl today by the 10.30am bus. the trip back was pleasant. i was worried at first because they gave me the utmost behind seat so i couldn't adjust the back but apparently that didn't stop me from dozing off most of the trip. either i must be tired from lack of sleep or that stephen king book the shining was too wordy and descriptive till i lost interest.

don't get me wrong i still think the book is great. last night i found myself thinking bout the scenes off the book at sleep, but the problem is i got like 2 pages of thrilling plots from the first 100 pages, which is a bit waste of time if you asked me.

so i slept most of the journey. there was this foreign indian guy sat in front of me tried to strike a conversation (i guess he was being polite as he asked me about how to get to changi airport before that), but i wasn't too eager to chat. at woodland checkpoints, i suspect he got held up by the customs because he didn't show up and the bus left after waiting for awhile. i felt bad for him, and also for myself because i didn't insist the bus driver to wait when i knew that guy really wanted to get to lavender street the final destination.

festive fever

quicker than a ray of light, it's already end of october, and it'll be festival week very soon. or what the media says, deeparaya holiday. in fact, quite a number of my colleagues already started their holiday, and they're neither malay nor indians.

i visited geylang serai for the last time yesterday. it was very crowded, i guess other ppl got emotional too as geylang serai would never be the same again from next year onwards. while browsing through the foods in the bazaar, i even took out my digicam and snapped some photos. i know i'd look like a foreigner but forgive me for being sentimental.who knows whether there'll ever be geylangs serai in the future?

well at least i've got lapis cake monica moschovitz that my mum asked me to buy from malay village bazaar. 2 boxes. they came in normal favours, raisins, spices and chocolate. my mum likes the raisin flavour. it's delicious and cheap too. 10 dollars only when in malaysia lapis cake always costs at least 45 ringgit. even cheaper then the one sold in batam.

as usual, the gelang serai was a nightmare if u tried to find a decent place to break fast. ppl would book tables as early as before 6. so me and my friends bought our foods (crab okonomiyaki and chicken satay for me, i've been craving satay for days) and ate squatting down by the road shoulders. there were other ppl along the road shoulders too, it really added up to the atmosphere.

i think i've had enough of the place. for now. now it's time to think of what to bring back when i go back kl for the deeparaya holiday tomorrow. there's this alcom line phone complete with its child unit that i plan to bring back home. my parents have the current line phone in middle of the stairs landing and my mum always came breathless from climbing the stairs everytime she answered calls. plus, that phone area is a bit dark and batalions of mosquitoes reside there, and in this dengue epidemic sweeping the country, that isn't what u call a preferable condition. now at least she can put the phone child unit downstairs so it will no longer be necessary to climb the stair to accept calls.

add that with 2 boxes of lapis cakes, my clothes including new samuel and kelvin jeans, my digicam and handycam, books (blink by malcolm gladwell and the shining by stephen king), my walkman (playing new compilation mp3 cd i just made this afternoon consists of ashlee simpson i am me, destiny's child #1, kelly clarkson breakaway), my vitamins etc my GAP backpack which i bought in Paris looks like a fully diluted pregnant woman.

i'm just somewhat concern of the m'sian side customs. last time i beautifully wrapped (ok it was not me but the customer service chap in robinson) this cake mixer because i wanted to give my mum for mother's day and ended up being taxed for it. the other year, i brought back my unused sony vcd player, which i carefully wrapped with old newspaper, because i wanted to give it my grandfather but of course the custom scanning machine caught it and i was taxed for it too.

whatever happen to flexibility and leniency? it's not that i brought those stuff for me for whatever selfish reasons, but they were for other ppl that i care. it's not like i'm trafficking cake mixer in a whole underground secret cake mixer inter-continental exportation or something, so those taxes were just plain ridiculous. i mean, instead of imagining the joyful face of those presents, now i'm worrying over the customs 'verdict. i suspect if i cursed them who taxed me, it might even came true.

anyway, i'm not gonna let that spoil my festive holidays. the event is almost possibly ruined already when my father (again) apparently insisted on celebrating the season at our home in kl instead of my mus side grandfather's home in a village in negri sembilan, which we went every year recently. i like celebrating in the village, where the traditional tradition still goes on. plus, other relatives will be there too, so it's not like we're gonna celebrate all by ourselves surrounded by our usual 4 concrete walls with neighbours mostly back in their own hometowns.

but knowing my father, he always has the final say. well almost all the times anyway, partly because we were too afraid to argue. unless my mum starts to prison herself in the bedroom and refused to cook. this happened once or twice before when i was around. this time, as my father already retired from work last september, it maybe changed the whole situation.

not much that i can do so i'll just hope for the best. hey, i got the lapis cake as requested, so at least things seem to be going the good way.

happy diwali and selamat hari raya aidilfitri!


...ed

undercover

there's departmental meeting going on this morning. normally i'll go to the meeting slightly early because they provide breakfast, so u can eat and gossip with colleagues and choose strategic seats (strategic as in far from front view, and close to the door for early escape).

however as it's still in the fasting month now, i'll let the meeting pass. after all, the breakfast is the prime reason ppl join the meeting, considering more than half always leave even before the first technical presentation starts.

a bit like charity donation program they always do in spore. take away the prizes that could be won with every dollar you donate, and see if ppl still donate in millions.

killing time, i browsed through the current top news. i like to read bbc news, good coverage and not as biased as the cnn. from the main headlines, seems like iranian president just urged muslim countries to 'wipe off israel' from the world map.

which is quite puzzling if u ask me. while it's no secret that iran loaths israel, they are already being pressured to prove that their nuclear program development is peaceful, and israel market bomb yesterday does not help to condition either. one may ask, what's the objective then of that quote?

it's like u rare a fierce dog that like to bite ppl. so the neighbours get paranoia. so u ascertain them that u'll not let the dog bite anybody, but at the same time u said that this particular neighbour deserve a bite, and urge other neighbours to get this particular neighbour bitten.

ok that's not that good of an example, but u get the point.

high level affairs are always complicated. it's a relieve that my job scope does not include maintaining world peace. i don't even have to stride along the high walk-away and gracefully mouthed 'world peace' while giving small waves. or hide guns in my inner thigh because i'm an FBI agent undercover in some beauty peagent contest.

it does require me to always answer my boss' mail questions though. which is what i'm gonna have to start doing now. it's not that i'm scared of him or anything, but i'd like him to see me as capable. the other day, we discussed on things i need to do in order to get promoted to higher level, which got me going for like 5 minutes. after that, i returned to my 'safe mode' and just content in just being 'capable'.

i mean, work is just work. i have plenty of things that i'm concern about other than work. for instance, like what the new madonna album will sound like. ok this maybe not really a concern, but i'm curious.

her new single 'hung up' is really a bum-shaking number. not just ordinary bum-shaking, but john travolta style shaking. yeah the lyrics sucks, forgetable and doesn't go with the melody (who sings about being hung up in a upbeat, happy tone??) but once u're in the dancefloors, or alone in the living room with blasting hi-fi, who cares?

unless, of course, if the lyrics is about wiping the zionist regime off the map or sth.


...ed

trippin' (that's the way life goes)

i've never been a suria channel fan. the only time I tuned in was when there was no alternative. like when sports channels are showing never-ending EPL soccer (not my cup to tea), or F1 racing (round and round in a repetitive cycle, boring), or worst, golf (big yawn, can see my tonsils?).

but when i attended dinner cum break fast at my relatives house last saturday at punggol (well, not before they called me hinting me to go visit them once in awhile whenever i got time), they had suria channel turned on while we were eating.

not that i care. i guess we always turn on tv in a gathering just so that ppl have sth to see when they are not chatting away. i played 'shrek 2' during my house warming party last month for the same purpose (and also i get to show off my new 42-inch plasma tv in its rich display colours, which was the reason i selected animation movie). but what disturbed me that night was this particular program suria channel had on.

it introduced japanese 'ramen'. translated in malay. complete with introduction that the main ingredient is ermm..pork. plus, how they make it, best place to have it, even interviewed ppl to ask how it tastes like. very very inappropriate considering the malays cannot eat ramen at all due to its pork contents. one would ask then, what's the purpose?

but i'm not going bananas over it. i mean, who watch suria channel anyway? like 10 ppl in the whole island. exactly. unless, if they have siti nurhaliza on. or taufik batisah, except this one might not be true nowadays. just see how many ppl tune in to shooting stars on tuesday night? maybe 20.

last night i went for *in whisper tone* interview. out of a sudden i got this phone call last weekend to arrange appointment. apparently it was sth to do with finance. i didn't asked much on the phone because i was busy karaokeing off my pc speaker that night so it was a bit difficult to concentrate. after all the place is in bugis, not like at some weird corners of the world or anything.

the park view square where i had the interview was actually very nice and classy with exotic feelings to it. i suspect i was introducted by this net friend. i casually told him previously that i would like to consider this area of expertise as a part time. not full time as what it apparently turned out to be. after all, who needs to beg ppl to join some financial plans, or enganged in some financial advice sessions, just to earn some commissions when i can get few fixed thousands just by sitting here writing this blog?

ok i'm not merely writing blogs normally at work but forgive me the workload really sucks nowadays. sucks as in it leaves you with nothing much to do. moreover, i got to sit down quietly and do stuff with my pc when other ppl are out for lunch, or even tea break. surely i have rooms to do non-work stuff during these times. i mean, ppl don't expect me to work when i'm not eating, do they? that will definitely break some clause of the human right codes.

it's not like i'm watching some crappy programmes off the tv or anything.



...ed

like no other day

For the first time in my life, I did charity work last Saturday. I went to Jamiyah Children's home Darul Ma'wa, as part of company's charity team to help decorate the children's dining hall for Hari Raya.

I was surprised on how small the building is. Just a one storey unit. In fact I almost missed it if not for this white van with Jamiyah Children's Home written in green parked in the compound.

There were bunch of NS army guys in the home lobby, and after wading through them I managed to find my fellow colleagues, whom mostly I have never met or spoken too before being in whole diff department. Well, they were friendly enough, which shouldn't be a surprised considering unfriendly ppl and charity normally don't go hand in hand.

On the way to the dining hall, we passed through rooms with single beds lined up to fill all available space. No fancy bedsheet, minimum pillows and no personal touch at all. Simple and neat. The walls along the corridor were decorated with activities photos, achievements acknowledgements, and some navy ships photos complete with commander signatures. I was briefly reminded that the residents are small children.

Upon arriving the the dining hall, we were swarmed by the children wanted to shake and kiss our hands. I was touched, and I remembered thinking how small and cold their palms are. They looked pretty playful together and maybe a little anxious to see what's coming from us that day. One of them even said something to me which I could not make out, nevertheless I smiled and gave him a brotherly pat.

The dining hall is just big enough to accommodate 2 long metallic tables and one small stage in front. There were words welcoming some government officials for break fast dinner on the stage board which were decorated in purple cloth. That's about the only decoration I noticed. On the walls were mostly reminders. There was even this photos of a dying african kid due to hunger, being watched nearby by a vulture, reminding us that we should not waste our food and be grateful for it.

The kids made a dikir barat presentation for the army team, as they were the one sitting in front of the stage while me and my company at the other side of the hall tieing golden strings to ketupat ribbons. The dikir barat poked fun to the Singaporean lifestyle, and pretty good considering their age.

We tied the ketupat ribbons to strings and laid them wall to wall covering the whole dining hall with dangling ketupats. To be frank, I did not do much after tieing the ketupats to the strings as 2 of my colleagues did all the strings hanging. Once in awhile I went close-by to see the army guys accompanied the childrens drawing with magic colours and taught them making things with polysterine cups. The whole place became a mess with cut papers but at least they looked that they were having fun.

By noon, the place already has Hari Raya vibes to it. Before leaving dropped a few notes inside the donation box, regretting for not carrying more cash. I'm like my father when it comes to carry-on cash. Catch me at most times and my wallet will have fewer than 20 dollars. Saw a signboard that ppl can pay their zakat fitr here too, and after scooping whatever coins left in my pocket, found it enough to pay the zakat. To my surprise, they gave me a plastic of Hari Raya cookies and a box of Curry Powder after payment. Never had I imagined I'd be getting sth after a visit there, something that should be the other way around.



…ed

confessions in a dark room

it's almost 9pm and i'm still in front of this pc in a slightly dark room. i've told myself countless time i have to reduce my nightly online addiction and starts addicting on sth else, like tv shows or sth. especially since rafael nadal is not playing these recent months, my starhub cable tv subscription almost sounds like a waste.

what's worse, i noticed an extra 2 dollars on my cable bills last month. first of all, let me express that i'm not a control freak that checks every words and sentences out of each and every bills, but if the figure stalls every months, and suddenly you see different numbers for total amount, believe me you'd noticed it too.

apparently starhub started to charge 2 dollars for the analog modem box fee, which just plain ridiculous. i mean, they'd started charging the digital box way in advance before perhaps, they suddenly noticed, 'oh we forgot to charge for the old analog one since it went into the market like gazillion years ago..'

well i'm not gonna get petty bout a bloody 2 dollars, there's much other things that could be my concern now. like thinking how i could help those poor south asia recent earthquake victims that get desperate as the time goes by.

just like the series LOST, surviving isn't always good news. well at least in a whole general perception because don't get me wrong, being alive is always a bless. but those poor kashmirians are suffering. no shelters, no food. i see off the BBC the males and females formed lines and passed sacks of food and clothes from one to another out of army trucks and planes but yet, it doesn't seem enough.

and i keep telling myself, what can i do? it was easy to look out the window appreciating the peaceful but wet view of sunday afternoon that was drenched by day-long drizzling rains, and forget about the whole affairs in the other side of the globe, and only fretting about why the condo management decided to re-paint the buildings normal boring yellow rather than the previously unique pink.

ppl does make all sorts of stupid decisions sometimes. like me, i'm still in front of this pc....


...ed

the minority report

every morning i will leave house for work before 7.30am so that i can get a copy of this freely distributed newspaper at the train station, so that by the time i arrived to my company, i've more or less browsed through the latest affairs in the world.

one of the columns that i always found amusing, is the reader's post. like last week, there was this guy, whose name i don't even want to remember, complained about the government act to provide disable-friendly environment for the handicapped ppl.he mentioned that it's not worth and cost effective to spend so much for the minority.

the minority. yeah like we would stop after the disabled if it really go through. i bet after that, we would attack the other minorities. like races. that would be ugly. not that it hasn't happened yet. just ask the 2 bloggers jailed for posting rascist comments on their blog.

i'm amused that ppl carry such opinion, even more amused that they take effort to get it published to the public without an ounce of doubt that the opinion is well, not very appropriate. sth must have gone wrong in the social system that the ppl start to get confuse on the simple rights and wrongs.

then yesterday there was this other guy that said the disabled ppl are asking for too much, and they should go for the taxis rather than public transportation so that they won't delay other so-called normal ppl's business.

there you go.

recently i read this analysis on developed countries vs not-so-developed countries from one of the e-mail chain. it says, number of talents, natural resources and land size do not matter (if not why else we have third world country's citizen being a work force in developed countries, switzerland producing world's best chocolates without planting any cocoa plant, and india and china that are so big yet so poor).

all that matters is the ppl's attitude.

no wonder the latest survey done recently ranked s'pore as the 54th liveable city in the world. well i'm not surprised.

yesterday i met this friend of mine from LA, knows him from the net. he was in town for a holiday, so we met for a short while over dinner. he was with his taiwanese friend that looks cool but speaks rather soft it sounded funny.

anyway, while the cleaning aunty was cleaning our table, he mentioned that back in the States, you have to send your dirty dishes to approriate stn after eating in the restaurant. here we expect to be served.

i guess, we tend to draw a clear line between our own type or level, and others. customers are not supposed to be handling dirty dishes.

like the so-called normal ppl are not supposed to be taken into the same level with the disabled.

duh.


...ed

day after tomorrow

i got headache all day, which became worse and worse morning to afternoon to evening. it's the 5th day fasting today, which means panadol is not an option. besides, received in e-mail chain that panadol stays in our liver up to 5 years, so i'm really making effort to reduce my intake anyway.

which is a pity really. hail to whoever invented panadol. i like the red one, panadol extra. that white pills are like magic, little drops of heaven that could cure headache in few minutes time. seriously.

actually i think the real problem must be my eyes. i'm not wearing any glasses or contact lenses, but i do suspect my eyes is causing me headache sometimes. especially because i love reading while lying down in beds, and watching movies in dark room. one of these days i really need to go for check-outs.

which should be the right thing to do. tackle the root cause of the problem.

not like a bit like thaksin, who send troops to southern thailand and start catching random local religious leaders to reduce the regional unrest. does he care to find out whats troubling the southern muslims? no. and does he succeed in forming peace there? double no.

nobody learns from bush's mistake in tackling terrorism. war is a big no-no. he could catch all the so-called al-qaeda leaders he wants, but for every man he captured, 10 more will emerge. it's a never ending story. the world gets even more unsafe to live on as the days go by.

add those humanitarian conflicts with recent mother nature catastrophies, and we'll get the impression that the whole world is in a mess. tsunami in south-east asia, hurricanes in north america, landslide in middle america, earthquake in south asia, the list goes on. that's what obvious in our eyes, but what about dengue epidemic in singapore and malaysia, and bird flu in indonesia?

it's ramadhan now, the month of devotion to god, and pray for forgiveness and our well-being. i sure hope things will get better.

if it's any indication, my headache is getting better. really.


...ed

the east is red

when i was in the mrt this morning, there were 2 japanese alighted at tanah merah. judging from singapore tag tied to their backpacks, obviously they have just landed.

typical japanese. they never wear properly, like they don't care. they were in bedroom shorts and slippers, and clutched in their hands were maps and guides.

i mean, some ppl won't be caught dead walking around with maps, although they are in fact, tourists. but japanese just live in their own world.

do they care that the chinese don't like them? i don't think so. inside todays newspaper, there was another columnist brought up this world war 2 apologising issue.

yawn.

sth could not just be left forgotten, could they? i expect, be it another 100 years, ppl would still ask the japanese for apology over their ww2 crime.

as if the japanese themselves did not suffer after hiroshima was flattened by the enola gay.

if you ask me, as cruel as the japanese was during the war, there is still no justification for dropping that atomic boms. how could bombing the whole city population, which big fat majority of the population are innocent civilians, be considered innocent?

they said the bombs were needed to end the war. they could not target the japanese army exclusively, so they destroyed the civilians. how does it different than the current day terrorists?

the terrorist could not defeat the occupants in their homeland, so they turned to cause destruction in their enemies cities, killing innocent civilians off the bus, the trains etc.

see the trend?

don't get me wrong, i am strongly against terrorism, but how could we justify one act of terrorism and denounce the other? it's just not right.

while i watched the hiroshima bombing aftermath on channel news asia documentary last night, my heart was in sorrow. but at least, the japanese has rebounced strong ever since.

like those 2 japanese guys in the mrt, i bet they were not thinking any of this while watching lines by lines of hdb houses along the mrt track.

god i envy tourists...


...ed

king of pain

boy my heart is pain.

i just settled paying all my bills, credit cards etc, and i must say, this is not my favourite part of the month. well at least my first installment house loan payment has yet to kick in...

yup it has been awhile. i've been busy moving house, and hey, i just realized this is the first time i'm writing from my new place. everything has been going quite well, though the moving day wasn't actually the best day of my life.

it was raining heavily. the mover hit a signboard in front of the building and the whole occupants peeked out from their respective windows and balconies. not a great way of introducing oneself i guess.

i like this place a lot. i was thinking the expressway nearby would be noisy but i hardly noticed it so far. there are lots of lights, and my gut telling me i'm gonna have a bit of a fit loking at my first PUB bills soon.

my favourite part is my bedroom ceiling. previous occupant installed this glow-in-the-dark stars so when i was in the dark before sleep, i can feel like i'm sleeping under the open sky. i count the stars and make a wish for each and everyone of them.

one of the wish? is that i can return fast to my actual company in bendemeer. u see, i'm under attachment in this joint-venture company in woodlands. yes woodlands. as i'm now staying in the east, it takes almost the whole country to cross over. it's just a whole lot of effort just to get there and back.

plus, i hardly have any friends there. singaporeans are not very friendly. whoever ever said that asians are friendly is obviously in delusion. i mean, they see me everyday on my own and just pretend that i don't exist. it just goes very naturally.

not that i care much about it. i'll be gone sooner of later anyway. as for now, time to sleep.



...ed

saturday night fever

taking a day off today.

i've started work attachment in company's join-venture wafer fab plant since last monday. it's in woodlands.

woodlands! which means it takes 1.5 hrs to get there, which includes 2 bus rides, and half an hour train journey. half an hour putting life at risk of suicide bombers...

anyway, at least i could put that on hold till next week. i'm going back to kl later at 5pm for my brother's wedding ceremony.

now that's what i'm worried about now. the wedding dinner this saturday night. i'll have my own-made video presentation bout my brother's and his wife's life journey on display during the ceremony which i heard includes VIPs.

naturally my father kind of freaked out a bit, asking me to show this video to him and the mc, beforehand.

my mum on the other hand, think that the bride's part is too long. well, that's understandable, considering she never mentioned her new daughter-in-law by name, and always refer her family as 'the other side'.

i've done my job, now waiting for the reaction. just like when ppl like stephen spielberg finished making his movies and waiting for the public ratings. exactly the same.

now lightly surfing the internet to see if ebay or yahoo auction carry nice stuff for my new home, which i'll move in next weekend. already bid on this sony tv console which sells only $20, which is cheaper even than the transportation fee.

actually, i'm quite amused by what ppl sell there sometimes. ok that i got to see proper sofa, or dining table on bid, but clothes hangar?? even if it goes for S1, it's still ridiculuous..

as ridiculuous as seeing bayshore park sea-view condo selling $700K there.

people.


...ed

down

i'm sick.

i think this is the first time in 2005 that i have fever. it came out of a sudden last night when i started shivering like it was sub-zero temperature outside.

took a cab to toa payoh clinic, and sure enough, my temperature was 38.9C. but the best thing is, i got mc for today! so another day of resting.

i'm feeling better now but still weak. i just have to see how i'm progressing to ensure this is not dengue related.

while at home, i've started to work on this video presentation i have to make for my brother's wedding, which is in 2 weeks time. nothing much, just kind of completed the introduction part.

somehow it feels harder this time. i guess it must be the pressure of making sth that would be viewed by the whole wedding dinner guests. it's a bit like a debut to me...

CY came by just now to let me try some vegetarian food from the temple. well it's nice to have someone making efforts just for you. i'm blessed.

ok, i'm a bit tired now. is it me or typing does consume lots of energy?


...ed

emotional highway

ok i'm supposed to iron my clothes now but that can wait.

i hate ironing clothes, i tend to make lines where i'm not supposed to, and get all sweaty from the heat. i hate hanging clothes too but at least that i can see hope. i bought this new toshiba washing machine with super-spin-dry function last friday at harvey norman suntec. i mean, super spin dry! surely they're on the right track to inventing washing mashine that completely dry clothes, right??

there's no tennis tonight, wimbledon has this stupid rule of not playing on sunday. here we are sitting comfortably at home on sunday night, and they chose to play on busy weekdays instead. well at least there's no justine and nadal to watch now. i was quite bumped up when they lost last week. serena and henman lost too so you see, at least it had not been an entirely wasted week.

so i got all the rest i needed today. except of course, the hanging and ironing. especially after a tiring day yesterday when i went to jb with CY.

it just stopped raining when we took the ride yesterday so the weather was gloomy. there was this motorbike vs car accidents shortly before we reached the customs. the car dented, the bike was upside down and there was a covered body by the roadside. not a preferable sight if you ask me.

the queue was longer at the checkpoint as it was noon, and all these m'sian going back home after half day work. i'm always fascinated by these motorists. here we could see the true ugly nature of our people. they would cramp each other to occupy every little inch their bikes could get into, hon thoughtlessly, choke you with their exhausts and forget courtesy, that's just not in their road dictionary.

after consuming as much carbon monoxide, we headed down the grand hyatt for lunch. upss, not lunch, but high tea. high tea! the only time we have in the weekends to come and have proper meal, and they arranged buffet lunch for weekdays only. big surprise?? not really, by now i kind of accepted the fact that the world stops operating normally on weekends.

so before we knew it, it's almost monday again. i still have not figured out this particular work assignment, still have no clear ideas where or even what will our team building event planned for in a month time be and still a long way to go coaching this new colleague attached to me. i'm getting closer to freak out now.

just received a call from my parents. my father asked why i'm not calling home recently. that was not too good, wasn't it? i don't know why, it's not that i don't intend to call, but when i see the clock, it's either too early, or too late to call. it's almost like the most suitable time just skip, disappear or sth.

my parents gave updates on my younger brother's wedding which is coming soon in a month time. apparently my other siblings already getting their new clothes ready for the event. they planned on wearing golden colour. me? i probably just don in this cream coloured clothes i first wore in 2001. doesn't matter. the wedding dinner will probably be dark anyway so ppl may not notice. hey, i don't even know my sister in-laws' name yet!

which think about it, it's a bit rude, don't you think? not that i care, the chance is i'll only see them once a year or sth like that, but still i feel a bit hurt. just because i live over 300km apart i'm non-entity?

oh i feel depressed now. which should mainly be because of it's sunday night. it's all because of the workloads i have to face tomorrow. no other reason. who cares about that sister in-law?

or maybe because i still have those clothes to iron now. yes that's it!


...ed

academy fantasia rocks

i think i've been infected.

seriously. i know everybody's been talking bout it for some time now but i always thought that it's no big deal. it's like a whole another world's affair, no significance to me at all.

who knows that eventually i've become one of them? that just shows that nobody's really immune from anything. one mistake all it takes and you'd be addicted faster than you can say 'AF3'.

yeah, now i'm an Academy Fantasia fan. come to think bout it, i started being hooked to american idol in their 3rd season also...

gosh, does that mean i'm 2 years behind the crowd??

anyway, i'm not missing anything again. i'm gonna rout for amylea and mawi. amylea looks passionate and she has this r&b vibe around her. mawi is such a raw performer with a crispy clear forceful voice and i think has this most sincere personality among the guys.

i like marsha too, i think she in some way is like a malaysian version of krisdayanti. kefli is cute but i'm not really enjoying his performance last week. idayu has nice soulful voice but i'm not really crazy over her image.

the rest, ermm not very memorable. please take out aidil, he can't sing and i hate how he tried to look handsome all the time on the stage. my friend said he's a playboy, and i was convinced when i saw he was the only one trying to hug elizza as a consolation after she was booted out. that was so inappropriate. i mean, this is malaysia, not america.

ok i think my sweat has dried up, i better go and take shower. no more headache too after i popped in this miracle cure called panadol. i know it's not good for the liver blah blah blah, but when i have headache, i dun realy care bout anything else.

well you know, except maybe AF3...


...ed

riverwild

as i walked by the river on my way home just now, i couldn't help scanning over the calm dirty water. call me crazy and maybe sick too, but somewhere deep inside my mind i was thinking what if i somehow spot a severed head gloating by the water? as far as i had known, the police has yet to retrieve the head of the chopped up body found by the kallang river yesterday.

that was not the first time. i mean, i've always hoping to be the one who spot things out. like sometimes, when i saw a place flew by, i was thinking what if shortly after, the plane eventually made to hit some famous buildings? i'd be able to tell the news at 9 that i was innocently looking out my window when i somehow spot the doomed plane at 5.17pm...

or when i admired the night starry sky, i secretly hope that i'd see some new planets, or even alien spaceship, and i'd be known as the one who spotted the mars attack...

i know it's almost impossible, but hey, a guy can dream, can't he? everybody loves to be center of attraction, to be the one who's above everybody else. it's only normal.

besides, it's entirely unexpected world that we are living in now. who knows when will the big tsunami hits, or when the united nations will deceive china and accept japan into the security council? i myself was confident that they'd convicted michael jackson..

by all means, and it might not be me.. but i sincerely hope that they'd recovered the missing head of the poor girl soon....



...ed

oral fixation vol-1

as the appointed chairman, i called for the team building committee for a meeting this afternoon. as the previous one had the ppl did nothing but stare at each other, this time i called the big boss in as well. how was that?? i let him handled the meeting. after all, this whole team building thingy was his stupid-not-to-mention-meaningless idea anyway...

so my suggestion of having a normal lunch out but jumble up the whole seating arrangement (to get ppl to mix outside their comfort zone), went down the drain. just as i expected. urrghh.. i was already having fun with my colleagues over tea break, setting up unpopular ppl with the bosses. the big boss mentioned this other dept was considering a cruise or sth. wow..like we could plan a cruise with only $20 budget per head. cruise on 'sampan' more like...

last alternative, bbq in east coast. hmm..simple. could just buy ready-marrinated bbq stuff and book the pits. the only problem? have to come up with sth in between to extend the overall function to 3 hrs or so. games maybe...not sth physical though coz it's probably hot in the afternoon, and ppl would get all dirty and it's not like we could take a dip into the sea. need a good MC too...hmmm...

ahh worry bout that later.

tompok just called regarding our trip to bangkok this sept. seems like ages away but i already booked my flight over air asia yesterday. it was so convenient, this whole book on the net thing. we decided to stay in baiyoke sky hotel, but planned to book the room only end of this month. i'm quite excited over this actually, just that this other japanese lady will tag along with us. first, things would go somewhat formal when she's around, and secondly, my japanese is horrible now, it takes a lot of effort to converse naturally, and i'm..ermmm not so energetic lately.

hearing shakira's new album, fijacion oral vol-1 now, and it's in spanish. i was quite surprised hearing her first single 'la tortura' just now coz i heard 2 men's voices when she's supposed to be duetting with this other guy in this song. not that great song. maybe her second single 'no' is better off. we'll see....



...ed

great sale not so great body

came back from town. had been lazying on bed whole morning and figured i could use a bit of sunlight. well, not really, i hate the sunlight but maybe just the fresh air. god knows my room felt a bit stuffy as it has been shut from outside air more then 24 hrs.

the great spore sale is still on, in its 2nd or 3rd week i'm not sure. looked some kitchen stuff in tangs if there was anything appropriate for my new house kitchen. the fork and spoon sets were cheap, but looked a bit small. there was cake mixer with a bowl which was only 28 dollars. the tefal frying pan was pretty nice and cheap too. anyway, didn't buy any as i didn't feel like carrying them all back today. plus, i figured i should look at other places first, and came back some other times.

then i looked for some antioxidants. i may be overreacting, but i did feel my age recently, so think some damage control would be appropriate. on the bus i saw this kid with a glowing youth complexion and i got all jealous. seriously. on the way to robinson, i saw this book on detoxifying with the backside introduction that reads...

'do you look in the mirror and wonder where that fresh, taut-skinned youth has gone? do you suck on coffee after coffee all day long, yet feel irritable and exhausted?'

those lines were so me! i swear it was like a sign from heaven or sth. so i ended up buying this book (it was only $3.80!), then commuted to toa payoh and bought this amalaki antioxidants (10% discount). almost tempted to purchase skin purifying and cholesterol reduction pills too but thought i better not get carried away.

then i looked at my watch and it showed 6pm, and i thought it would be nice to watch 'friends' in my room and catch a brief nap. i felt a drag to continue exploring things in toa payoh courts store. another sign of aging perhaps? i'm so worn out...

anyway, maybe it was just a lack of exercise. i didn't join the last thursday badminton session, and it had been while since i last pay tennis on saturdays. jogging? i could not remember when i last did it. i really need to start on my physical work out once i moved to my new house next month. it could be like my new life motto or sth..a new house and a new life..or some sorts..

ok think i'll continue with 'friends', and maybe a nap....



...ed

inferiority complex

still waiting for nadal vs puerto in french open final...

the match should be after the women double final, so i'm having this roland garros website live scoreboard on my desktop to track the current progress...

so far so good. h-hardenne won yesterday against pierce, and if nadal wins tonight, it'll be all perfect.

gosh, i so want nadal to win, especially after he beat roger yesterday (haha take that, federer-worshippers!) i'm already feeling excited, nervous and petrified, all at once now, i might just need oxygen tank by my side later while watching.

met this guy who's a tennis fan as well from the chatroom this morning, apparently staying nearby me. i was excited to finally having someone to talk tennis to, but however the conv didn't get too far and kinda stopped half way.

duh..i bet he was having another conversation at the same time, and that just took off. he looks kinda cute though so partly because i was kinda having fits myself too.

it's the same old problem. i always feel inferior by someone who i think better off than me. this guy's young, good looking, and could play tennis! i'm so envious.

put him beside me and i'll have inferiority complex.

i really need to work on this.

the final still has yet to start. i just did some excercise with my torso roller in front of the tv. i hate this little lump i have in my lower abs, i really need to start doing the sit-ups everyday just like last time.

feeling good bout my body will give me less inferiority complex problem, especially since i plan to utilize the swimming pool in my new house to its full extent.

i could also learn how to swim!



...ed

sweet victory

i'm so happy.

we won the intra-dept badminton tournament yesterday. i partnered this vietnamese guy in semi-final and crushed our opponent doubles to go 2-0 and made way to the final.

one of them was a girl though, but hey they got 7 points handicap, so it's not like i was being ungentlement or anything. we won fair and square.

didn't get to play in final as I was in the 3rd line-up and my team already clinched victory from the first 2 doubles.

so it was a great evening. even better when i watched nadal annihilated gasquet in french open tennis 3rd round match off super sports. and venus lost and sounded like a loser!!

woke up late this morning. it's very hot outside. very. waiting for CY to return from JB and maybe we'll take a stroll in orchard later. in the malls i mean. the great spore sale has just started yesterday...


...ed

one step further

and so the american idol 4 has ended.

i was quite dissappointed in the finals just now. yeah i rooted for carrie but even i thought her performance was only ok.

bo? ermm..i don't like this guy. so he's a rockers, the first one in the idols, but still i can't appreciate that deep voice.

i was hoping for some electrifying performance. man, fantasia last year was superb. i actually gave her a standing ovation together with the judges after her performance.

this year was, urghhh..let's just say i don't care who wins it this time. ok maybe carrie. and that's only because she's such a doll...

ok. today i went to see the mortgage lawyer in toa payoh with my agent after work. a lawyer! i've never met a lawyer before. ok i have, but he's my friend, and i've never see him in session anyway..

this mortgage lawyer, julia was on the phone when we arrived. i tell you, her voice was loud, and she talked pretty fast with various technical terms that i didn't have a clue about, so i started to get a bit nervous.

it was such a relief my gouse agent was there, so i was kinda like celebrity. my agent answered all the questions and then explained all the procedures to me when all i could do was being dumb-strucked by the highway conversations and the low cut of the lawyer's dress.

signed couple of cpf release papers and now just have to wait early july to settle, some property tax or sth like that..

then, payment time. my hand was trembling writing off a cheque of 30 over thousands, i almost couldn't spell the numbers properly. Dollars thirty thousand and six hundred only.

now trying hard not to think of the depleted state of my bank account, i mean, compared to previously...

urgghh..

i better go and watch the remaining french open match today on super sports, keeping in mind that by the time wimbledon starts, i would be watching from my new 42 inch plasma flat screen tv in my new condo unit.


...ed

shagged

another badminton practise after work.

this time we played in hougang badminton hall. i think i played ok, but maybe not enough to ensure my place in our main doubles.

the tournament will be this friday. i think i started losing it since our practise game last week, so now i think this guy, mike stands more chance to be in top 2 doubles.

which is probably ok with me, since it's easier being underdog. no stress. my ball still somehow always ended up half court despite all the energy i put, but at least i think i managed to kind of flicked it over just above the net in return instead of giving high ball.

anyway, we haven't work out our final strategic line-up yet, i just hope they won't decide to put me with a girl or sth.

i should work on tonight the abstract for technical paper we planned to submit tomorrow but ended up watching sharapova vs linetskaya french open 1st round match on sport channel.

(sharapova won btw. urrghh..i was hoping she'd lose then we could hear her usual tired remark of 'i'm ok, i'm only 18...')

oh well, can always work on it tomorrow first thing in the morning when my brain is fresh and at its full capability. no point rushing it now, frankly i don't feel like thinking at all.

i don't even feel like writing this entry further, so...


...ed


"if there's one spark of hope left in my grasp,i'll hold it with both hands.
it's worth the risk of burning to have a second chance"

unwind on the death star

sometimes i just don't understand ppl.

some of them are just plain mean. here i am minding my own business, and out of nowhere i got insult thrown to my face.

to my post comment.

it's not like i'm complaining or anything, but it's amusing these ppl sometimes don't realize their own shortcome.

i mean, keep on blaming your own physical appearance, when the fact is your attitude doesn't seem to be better either. the chance is that boy isn't gonna like you any better even if you look like one of those creatures in planet kamino.

try do that to george bush, and he'll direct his death star laser to your country faster than you click the "send comment" button.

yup. i was surprised reading yesterday's news. bush just gave green light to US air force to go ahead with space weapon program.

funny that coincides with the release of revenge of the sith, which by the way, ended when the emperor overlooking the built of death star.

i should say the world we're living in is about to get more ermm... dramatic.

assuming the death star takes about 16 years to complete (from luke was born to when part-4 takes off), i still have plenty of time to carry on with my life.

went off to orchard robinson's courts this afternoon, surveying things to equipt my new house with.

i so want that 42 inch samsung LCD tv to be in my living room, just that one of my friend recently asked whether it's worth it to spend more than one month pay to buy just a tv. now i'm considering whether it's too..well..luxury to have one.

plus the fact that i only turn on the tv to watch tennis, sumo, desperate housewives and american idol. and also, you know, fann wong's drama series if any..

but some time in my life, i ought to enjoy these thing, don't i? i mean, i don't want to get old and have cataract in my eyes before i decided i want to have this.

also i cannot believe how expensive furnitures are nowadays. it's almost a rip off. yeah they are italian design, but still, they're rectangular-ish, wooden and brown. what's the difference??

courts is having further 5% off for today and tomorrow. i always hate stores that do this short time and notice discount. i swear that just makes ppl not thinking rationally before buying.

and they mentioned credit card installment pay like it does not involve money at all. like you can get the stuff without paying..forever.

i guess those are the arts of business. what do i know? i just want to direct my death star weapon to them after i got my things and decided to put them on installment...


...ed

the last war

i want to join the dark side. seriously. somebody plz direct me to lord sidious!

it was such a thrill watching the last star wars show last night. you know, part when darth vader rose from the operation table with that famous star wars tunes in background, made me feel like standing up and hail our new king...

except audience in singapore were so boring. they watched the show as if watching water drips from a pipe. no emotion. nada.

some of them even brought their 7 year-old daughter. duh..as if that kid understand what the force is all about. unless it was the mother actually wanted to see and couldn't leave their children at home...

i heard that chancellor palpatine was actually portraying george bush in a way. how he used the republic senate in the name of democracy to give him license to destroy his enemies for sake of peace.

hmmm...now that's a thought.

today i was like a celebrity in the office. everybody kept on asking me bout the show. so i just replied, 'it was ok, the scenes were breathtaking, the light-saber duels were electrifying, but i think the dialogues were to shallow'.

actually i got that from online review.

so it's the end of star wars saga. sigh.

unless..you know, if my boss were actually a sith lord and would try to lure me to the..ermm..what organisation could i join in the office?? oh yeah...the technical member committee...

that'd be cool!


...ed

my first property ladder

it's already over working hrs and i'm still in the office. waiting to leave later so i can directly make trip to balestier shaw cinema to see star wars episode 3 revenge of the sith at 15 past 8.

i'm so excited over this. first, the fact that this is the last and potentially the greatest star wars episodes ever, and the fact that i beat so many ppl in getting the first day ticket (my colleagues so envy me, haha!) and also the fact that it's a night-out with CY.

poor CY, the new company squeezes every bit of efforts from their employees, so CY has been going home past 9 everyday. this just proves the saying that we should avoid employment at 3 companies, japanese, taiwan and singapore local companies, 'coz over there, employment means no life.

for me, life has been crazy the past few days. our test department secretary, katherine, overheard my conversation with st francis agent at office elevator lobby, so she introduced me to another agent, her friend, michael.

michael contacted me last sunday and we went and see condo units in simei. i ended up making a second view on one of the units at night, then decided on taking another unit the next day and signed the papers as early as monday night beside the condo pool.

so i'm now the proud owner of melville park condo in simei.yaaayy!!

i've not informed my current housemate yet, waiting for all the procedures to complete. plus, i wouldn't want him move out earlier than i plan to as i'd end up paying more for the current house rental.

in between viewing condos, dropped by buddhist charity events in front of taka in orchard over the weekends. CY was helping selling roti prata on the saturday (which was a mistake 'coz who'd buy roti prata at that time of day and that kind of place?) and mee siam on sunday (which was better). taufik the singapore idol even made live performance there on saturday night, so i got to see him up close. he was ok, just like on tv.

ok it's almost time to go.

may the force be with us!

...ed

friday the 13th

ok my update.

actually i have nothing to boast about. i have not invented anything new, or save anybody's life..neither have i found AIDS drug, or found osama bin laden...

just plain everyday's life.

except now i can boast that i have one of the latest (not to mention the coolest) handphone in town.

it's samsung E720 with slick design, bluetooth, megapixel flash camera and mp3.

god, i'm such a sucker for good handphones. i can go jello. i'm like imelda, just that instead of shoes, i collect phones. well not exactly collect, coz i sold my old ones, but you get the idea...

and i'm still loyal to samsung ever since i converted from nokia. samsung mobile is way cooler. just check the screen and the polyphonic sounds.

plus, their customer service officers are angels. just now i called them to ask where can i buy leather cover for my new handphones, and they picked up at the 2nd ringtones. i mean, they don't even have '..for english, please press 1' crap.

now i can walk around in town in peace 'coz in case i come across fann wong shopping in taka or sth, i can always snap her with my megapixel handphone camera, hehe..

though mind you i'm a bit less of her fan now, since she showed her true colors in beautiful life. how ugly things had turn in this series. we're getting like one dead character per episodes. such an easy and lazy way to end a story.

CY is coming over tonight, after quite awhile. i got the cheese fries in my rice cooker for a surprise later, as we the stupid KFC we went in the other time didn't serve this. CY adores cheese fries, and it gives me chance to get a bit cheesy.


...ed

dumb and dumber

my forehead is throbbing like crazy.

god, i don't even know what happened. i was playing tennis on office rooftop just now and was chasing this ball near my body, tried to flick it and somehow the racket found my forehead instead.

i hit my own head with a tennis racket.

i mean, how stupid does that sound?? and i must say the swell between my eyebrows made a nice affect to the clumsiness who i am...

not to mention the whole impossibility of it. it's like driving a car and run yourself with it. this should be almost impossible.

went to medical center at the office and asked for some ice and antiseptic. the doctor was under the impression i was playing doubles and my partner hit me, which could made whole lots more sense.

not a great start of the day. well, i better go back home and maybe continue sleep, hoping the weather won't be so hot to hibernate for the rest of the day. i'm feeling a bit dizzy now, but this must be because i slept at 3am last night watching nadal vs stepanek match and woke up dutifully 7.30am to play tennis myself.

maybe i'll go to the cafeteria first and check whether they have food ready yet, keeping a close watch-out so i won't bump anything on my way there...


...ed

beautiful illusions

it's 10pm and i just saw (what else) beautiful illusions...

you know, i've always hated the part when they showed clips of next episode after the ending song, 'coz i didn't understand a thing! they must have not done the subtitles yet or sth, so i'd see clips of ppl arguing (or so it seemed) or someone telling some news etc, and i wouldn't have a clue what was it all about.

well, guess i have to wait till tomorrow. better be home on time as i noticed my housemate switched off my tv/video power when i got back today. it got me all irritated. i mean, resetting the video clock is one thing, what if i ended up having vegetarian buffet dinner at quality hotel just now?

as if switching off those things can compensate even 5 minutes of electricity his aircond consumes...

for once tonight, i'm not too troubled by the house thingy as previous nights. today i cancelled the 2nd appointment to view the st francis unit few hours before lunch break. kinda decided that condo might not be good for long term investment, or even re-sale in the future if, you know, i were to work in m'sia or sth...

so seems like i'm gonna stuck in this rented unit for some time more, putting off plans to buy 42-inch LCD tv and set up my own home theather and worse, having someone who always bring strangers home at night.

to make myself feel better now that i won't have this spore unit, i've almost decided to buy this condo in kl instead. they're supposed to be designer units and good location-wise, though that 99 leasehold is a bit turn-off.

this 99-lease hold concept is so wrong. why would ppl spend thousands of dollars just to buy sth that will have to be returned sometime in the future? that's so not buying but renting. work it out, if the unit is 300K, it's like renting off ~250 bucks per month. the advert should instead read 'condominium unit for rent with 99 years contract'. see if got ppl buy...

these property thingy is so troublesome. when i consult somebody, they'd tell me it depends on where i want to stay permanently. duh... as if i know that myself.

i wish i could make up my mind on this. i don't even know what i want. i wish there is a sign or sth... that says i should spend my life at this country, or apply and work at that company, or even let what be my eventual sexual orientation....

the one thing i'm sure of, is that the kl trip last labour-day weekend was fun. we occupied 2 suites at istana hotel and spent time loosen-up.

yeah we didn't get to go karaoke, or bowling, and also i should have checked some properties for sale there, and yeah, the time square sara cosmetic shop saleslady was a bitch and tupai2 restaurant was out of our reach, but nevertheless, the whole trip was a strike.

how i long we could meet again in the future. just hope it won't be just one of my beautiful illusions...



...ed

when the wrong one loves you right

it has been, ermmm i don't know, about week and a half? ..since i last met CY.

i was thinking that we'd have more free time after HP dept shutdown but no, those countless interviews has been very time consuming...

it's harder even to meet up now.

like yesterday, we only managed to meet for a short dinner at whampoa market. i was feeling a bit down because of this whole thing, and it hardly cheered me up. when i was asked why i looked kinda gloomy, i blamed it on the weather.

it's easy to blame everything on recent out-of-hand-hot weather. after all, couldn't blame CY, as i must understand that huge effort might be needed to land a job nowadays.

but i couldn't help it sometimes when the heart sings a different tune from the mind. still i really hope someone remembers that today is our one-year anniversary.

how i hope good thing will surface up too when i see that saint francis apartment unit today during lunch time break.

i called a different agent yesterday as the previous agent was uncontactable and they did not return my sms so i assumed they were not very keen. i mean, they did mention that they would call me in few days time but surely they would have to keep themselves contactable??

however, they called me just minutes after i talked with the new agent, so affectively now i have 2 agents handling that saint francis unit for me. but as my colleague said, they are just 'tools' so i guess it's ok.

now that i have the possibility of climbing my first property ladder, i must keep my expenditures sensible enough.

yesterday at company's bazaar sale beside the cafeteria. i bought half a kg of raw honey for 15 dollars, which should be totally acceptable. everybody knows honey is good for health, and surely i shouldn't trade health over anything. it will be good for my gastric too.

then i bought a pilates ball for just 15 dollars, which was a total bargain. i mean, outside is selling like 65 dollars, so i was actually saving money. i'm thinking to convert one of my 2 bedrooms in my new apartment to an exercise room cum meditation/ prayer hall, and this ball is silver so it will totally match any color of the wall.

now i'm still considering whether to buy this expensive antioxidant pills. heard that it can cure muscles ache and join pains, which i have most of the times, and most importantly it will help retain my youth.

anyway, i should look at the apartment first. i'm so upbeat about this actually. planning the decoration and design of my own place is fun, though that means i'll have to seriously cut down my oversea trip after this.

although i must say going kl whis coming long weekends staying at hotel istana suites does not go in sync with my current plan, but hey, friendship is as important to me too!

my mum was like, 'you're coming back and stay in a hotel?' which for me it was a pretty hard tone. all along i went back kl and stayed at home so i hardly met my kl friends, let alone ventured night life. so i just explained to her that this would be a reunion, which is actually true, except this reunion only consists like 5 ppl.

but hey, i'm in my late 20s and about to climb my first property ladder, so surely i can afford to enjoy some freedom in kl...


...ed

the force within

urghh...is it me or it's very HOT recently?? i feel like stripping all the time at home.

monthly wise, it's almost summer for nothern hemisphere and i guess somehow s'pore is no acception, except from winter to summer like normal seasonal countries, ours is summer to 'more summer'...

anyway, i'm following barcelona open seat godo tennis final, nadal vs ferrero live score off the net now. that starhub overpaid sports channel doesn't even show replay telecast, which sucks.

instead, they are showing US clay court c'ship. who wants to see those crappy americans on clay anyway?? it's french open tune up games for goodness sake!

in background checking this private apartment for sale in st francis using s'pore street directory. price wise, still ok, managable range and location wise, superb. i just have to see the place to ensure everythings good, and CY offered to check the feng shui.

imagine i turn up at the place introducing CY, 'pls meet the feng-shui master'. haha!!

it'll be nice having place of my own, though at this point i won't put much hope yet. everytime my lunch kaki discussed about renovations for their hdbs, i just resorted to get busy playing with ice in my kopi beng.

that, i hope, will change soon.

gosh i think i have a bit of headache. must be from staying indoor too long in this sauna-like place watching the last three star wars movies. bought them off gramaphone yesterday because like everybody else, i'm starting to get excited over upcoming revenge of the sith finale.

nevermind the 90 dollars spent, i'm sure that was such an investment. after all, there are all classic movies. with all those special effects, i would prefer the original best quality dvds anyway.

~wait till i get my own house and my own home theater system set-up.

having read the revenge of the sith book and found out how anakin turned to the dark side, i felt myself supporting darth vader in every battles they fought in the last 3 episodes. not luke, not leia.

let's face it, i'll turn into the dark side too if i were anakin. so who can blame him? it pissed me off seeing the end of returm of jedi. why must every story ends with the supposedly good ones prevail??

look at swordsman 3 - the east is red movie, tung fang pu pai was the last man standing. no, the last woman standing. i so adored that ending i remembered watching it in cinema several times after school.

ok this headache is getting worse. i think i better stop staring at the screen, except u know, occasionally checking the live scores.

*may the force be with us this coming weekend!*


...ed

whooping four figured sum

gosh i almost fainted when i looked at this month's electricity bills.

i was so worried how my emotionally-unstable housemate would react seeing that extra digit in overall sum.

i mean, for a person that freaked out when i reminded him on monthly rent, sudden spike in utility bills isn't the best thing in the world to inform him to.

thus, it was no wonder i stared at the paper like 5 minutes in front of the mail box trying to make sense out of it, finding possible explanation on the sudden surge.

oh no my housemate just went into his room after staring at the bills for awhile without saying a word (mind u, the silence might not be of any abnormal indication as we seldom talk to each other anyway).

should i go to the kitchen and check whether our knife is still there?

oh he's knocking on my room door...

...

just to give me a cheque.

cheque for the current month bills, plus the internet fee, plus the bills. two third of the bills.

i tried to reason on extra money he was trying to pay for the bills, but he said he used most of the electricity and not to worry bout it. i wanted to argue further but found myself silenced with the remark.

'coz it wasn't that nice the last time we argued.

well i guess, maybe he's not bad a person after all. i've seen his dark side before, but i've just been reminded of his other side as well just now.

gosh i must remember to stop calling him names.


...ed

candy in the eye

finished watching 'beautiful illusions' off channel 8.

i always like fann wong shows, and in this series she played 2 characters. how great is that? it's like double treat.

i don't care ppl say she's plastic, not natural blah blah blah (when i wrote ppl here, i meant june, my ex-colleague who prefered zoe tay, who's voice is like a man. what does she now?? honestly) but she's such a candy in the eye.

now i have problem arranging my daily schedule so i can be home at 9pm on weekdays. or at least remember to set my vcr and hoping i don't mess up the channel, or recording date etc.

i even skipped pilates class yesterday night.

which i'm sure i did enough work-out today to compensate for that. left work half an hour early today to play badminton at kolam ayer cc.

didn't have to sneak out like always as i know my boss was in (again!) genesis training, which i skipped myself. i mean, what's the purpose anyway? the company only bought one license, which means only one person can use it at a time, so the chances are i won't have chance using it anyway...

i always like this time of the week. i love bowling too but considering i won't pay that sum of money weekly to play, and let's face it badminton probably burn more calories than a week of bowling combined.

plus, i could learn how i am physically. like just now, i was almost flattened by my late-30s ex-boss (who btw pay every cent of court booking fees and shuttlecocks. this guy is simply an angel, at least when he's off work). how bad is that for stamina and (erm...) my confidence??

i must start going gym lifting dumbells again, and next jogging session i must do 4 rounds non-stop. ok maybe a little. wouldn't want ending up like this 26y/o guy i read in newspaper working out in the gym during lunch time when out of sudden he dropped dead.

scary.

oh yeah my mum called this morning (now i felt so guilty of not calling my parents more often) telling me my 3rd brother is going to new york for his degree. i was like 'wow!'. i'm so proud of him. he was the one who when he was about 3 or 4y/o, looking at the moon in one car trip and asked us,'why does the moon following us?'

of course my last trip to new york was disastrous (it was during the 911 event, but to be honest, i wouldn't trade that experience to anything else now), but still i'd love to go there again some time and now i have another reason to go too.

that, provided ivory, the house agent i just contacted few days ago have not found a suitable private property for me to buy yet. considering the tight budget i gave her, she isn't gonna find it anytime soon.

tomorrow's friday. CY won't be around this weekend but at least, i can still flirt in the office tomorrow. ok not flirt, but it's such a thrill working along this new cute colleague (who's hereby i i'll named ZY) in the lab.

now this one's candy in the eye too.


...ed

it's like that y'all

monday afternoon tea break time. as usual this time i don't really feel like working.

1st, it's monday, and like all other normal ppl, i'm feeling monday blue.

2nd, we had our weekly 2hr meeting right after lunch as usual, which means whole morning struggle to complete the presentation. it's just like when u sprint without any warm-up, only this one does not affect my limbs but my brain.

after all, after clearing mails, did this and did that, not much time to work on sth new anyway.

inadequate sleep i had last night didn't help too. i stayed till 4am to watch monte-carlo tennis final on star sports. it was my fav nadal against defending champion coria. it was a replay telecast and for once i was glad they cropped the whole match to only interesting sets, had they shown the whole match i would have still watching when the sun came up.

to my delight, nadal won so u see i'm not complaining.

so everything's good. inluding past weekend...

CY brought me to kovan on friday after work. we had this supposedly famous ponggol nasi lemak near mrt station, judging from the queue and newpaper cuttings pasted on the wall. however, it turned out not as good as we expected. the rice was normal, and anybody could fry those chicken, and the cucumber...well anybody could cut it up like that.

i think ppl just naturally followed the long queue without actually knowing what awaited them, which in this case, everything but nice nasi lemak.

typical singaporean.

on saturday we went for a shopping spree at toa payoh ntuc. i got this 30 dollars voucher from online e-diary survey which i completed last week so u see it was a good excuse to spend abusively (but of course within 30 dollars limit).

with tonnes of vegetables we purchased which could have fed ethopia, we cooked at home for lunch. i experimented long beans dhal curry and CY made this mushroom macaroni dry soup. both turned up well as neither of us had toilet emergency thereafter.

around dusk we went over to gain city but found out it was just an office building, not a shopping complex that we thought it was. disappointed so we proceed to (where else) toa payoh central where we walked around the bustling crowd.

i like this place, it's like a small city within housing estate, so you don't have to actually dress up for it, things are cheaper too, except there are old ppl in just about every corner you lay your eyes on so i won't say it's a candy-eyes place.

CY went back home on sunday after lunch so i completed the day lazying on bed reading this star wars revenge of the sith book which i bought at changi airport few weeks ago. managed to read couple of pages till i eventually dozed off, which kinda ironic since anakin was also about to turn to the dark side.

as i'm not in the shape as i'd like to be, went jogging in front of the block late afternoon. it wasn't hot as it was almost dusk and windy. completed 4 big rounds as usual, ending up feeling horrible as usual, torturing myself just to get that extra fat off.

i loath exercizing.

so another weekend gone. oh yeah, received the cornell microwave too from my company for 5 years service award. haven't think of anything to cook in it yet, so i just dumped it behind the living room sofa.

typical.


...ed

whole pointless row

it's friday noon and my office space has just turned into a carom hall.

my colleagues purposely went out for a quick lunch then returned to play till 1pm later, when it's unofficially time to continue work.

not just today, but most other days as well.

i'm not so much into carom though. it's harmful to my delicate fingernails if i were to give reason, but the truth is i'm not really fascinated by it.

like golf. i detest golf.

carom looked fun though, although occasional loud cheering whenever the carom seeds did out-of-the-world stunts did disturb my concentration in reading the latest china-japan war of words from the internet.

which, i can assure you, is very amusing.

if i were to take side, i'll go with japan anyday.

first, there's no point bringing up sth that happened more than half a century ago. modern japan now is nothing like WW2 japan.

not as if they never apologized bout their past aggression too. even someone so blur would have noticed if they were spoon-fed apology 17 times.

and not like they denied the nanking massacre never happened though. instead of saying 200,000 ppl killed (which btw still being argued as exaggerated figure), they used 'many ppl'. instead of 'massacre' they used 'incident'.

fine, they are a bit underplayed words but this is only one of many choices of textbook available there.

if you ask me, a country who teaches their every single 1.3 billion citizen to hate another country to the core, is the real problem.

the same government obviously have short term memory loss to have written about tiananmen massacre in their own textbook, or bout muslim oppression in the name of terrorism in xinjiang, or bout military operation in tibet just to mention a few.

anyway, the point is, this is such a pointless row, and a pointless topic to debate about too, though i must admit it's such an interesting piece of news to read and discuss.

i mean, surely this sounds more interesting than what president bush hears in his i-pod while cycling, or britney spears pregnancy, or even that micheal jackson court story. and it's definitely more interesting than this genesis training we're going to have later at 2pm.

i attended last week's 1st round training and it was a torture to keep my eyes open throughout the session. nobody in the history of mankind died from extreme boredom yet (as far as i know), otherwise i should point that class out as a health hazard.

well, at least it can keep us off our work for the whole afternoon. maybe i'll use that training time to plan on where to go tonight with CY.


...ed

my first yoga class

attended yoga class for the 1st time today. actually i got this impression that yoga is more towards meditation and ermm...kinda more feminin but wanted to try at least one class to see how it goes.

my female friend seem excited as she said the teacher is leng-chai (not that she's gonna make a move since she's married and frankly, she wasn't in the best shape to seduce him anyway) but i peeked in from classroom window last week and to me he was cute yeah, but a bit aqua-ish.

i couldn't be more right when i was in the class. i guess there hardly anything masculine when you could twist your body 360 degress, i suspect he could even lick his behind if he ever went for it. however, he was nice and warm though..

overall session was surprisingly relaxing, and most importantly it did not start with any weird enchanting that made you think you're in some illegal cult. got a bit hard in the middle and i began to sweat realizing i was short like a meter from touching my own feet with my knees straight. how inflexible my body was.

either that or i swear all other students' legs must be short or sth.

there was this auntie who kept on burping everytime we changed poses, and at least once i heard someone farted while stretching from front row.

i was like 'wow!'



...ed

monster

it amazed me how self-centered and selfish ppl could be sometimes.

even worse when they don't even realized when they are being one.

i was reading this feedback page from s'pore's "today" newspaper last monday when i came across mail from apparently a mother with 2 childs. the topic was about giving seat to pregnant lady in public transport.

this mother was arguing who said pregnant lady needs the seat more than other ppl? she insisted that she needed the seat as much 'coz she'd be tired from hard day work, and as she needed to take care of her children and cook for her husband after she reached home.

besides, if a pregnant lady needs the seat so much, she should flag a cab instead.

i mean, how does that sound?

actually i do think she has slight a bit of a point there, but the fact that she could not think of the safety of both the pregnant lady and her unborn child instead of her mere 'tiredness' hit me.

it's life we're talking about here, not something that you can fix with yokoyoko or salonpas.

more over, if above reason is justified, all other commuters could come up with their own version of excuses too, like need to do bunch of homework at home, or tired from whole day shopping, or even need to protect newly-pedicured toe-nails from ppl's feet.

spending everyday's life striving to get enough money to grab one of those hdb in ballots sure has somehow turned ppl into heartless monsters.

not adorable elmo-like or cute pikachu-type monsters but those in red with long spiky tail walking around carrying fork.

only mails from other readers mentioning how ridiculous above mail sounded yesterday reminded me that i'm not in some kind of living hell or sth.

although coming back home seeing my cow housemate, i'm not so sure anymore.


...ed