disturbia

i blasted my stereo the other day and rihanna was on. i've already had a miserable week, ok relatively more miserable than any other weeks, so when she goes..

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
What's wrong with me?

and i was like, yeah, what's wrong with me?

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Why do I feel like this?
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
I'm going crazy now

oh yes, i'm so going crazy now. why? because there were still no words, no nothing. nil. nada. every morning i woke up with a glint of hope but by the time i glanced through my mail before dashing off for breakfast, all hope gone leaving me with this big heavy load in my chest.

No more gas in the rig
Can't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can't even speak about it
All my life on my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm hurting my brain..

i swear, i felt as if i was in her video clip or something. this song could easily be my life anthem. did i write this in my sleep? because god knows my brain is hurting right now.

or else, tell me why on sunday afternoon when it was all rainy outside creating a perfect hybernation nest at home, i grabbed my car key and drove all the way to my company to check my e-mail? it's like badawi suddenly wakes up and decide to debate in parliment.

i felt like i was living in limbo. neither here nor there, and it's tiring. it's like, gosh, show me the way already! you see, even the annual chinese ghost earth-roaming time is almost up and they have to go back to their realm very soon.

i on the other hand, have to remain in standby-mode.

only that it's getting worse. i think i've become weird with this anticipation. for instance, everything i do now that has anything to do with this subject, i think i could jinx my chance.

like this entry, i wanted to put 'my heart will go on' as the title, but i was afraid it will sink my hope just like the titanic.

ridiculous huh. am i losing it?...

Your mind's in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight? Disturbia..

indeed. to tell you the truth, i'm scared myself.

but i guess, like i've always reminded myself, things happened for a reason. i just have to be patient and content.

so in the meantime i'd just go..

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum (ba da da de din da)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum (ba da da da din daa)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum (disturbia ahh ohh)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

...ed