whyyawannabringmedown

i learned a new word today. swine, as in the swine flu. when i first heard it, i thought it sounded country, you know, just like 'wayne'. but apparently it refers to 'pig', which then makes it, well.. not so nice a word anymore.

lucky i haven't resorted to naming my character in my xbox game 'swine adams' or something like that yet...

so swine flu is just pig flu. pig flu on human that swept across mexico all the way to europe and no, i'm not talking about any episode of heroes here. scary huh? that just shows how vulnerable we are. one pandemic comes out of nowhere and humankind would be swept clean, no matter how many nuclear warheads you have...

those virus might be all the way across the globe from us here in south-east asia, but that doesn't mean we are safe. especially since last week, there are fierce rumours that our company is planning to sweep part of her employees clean, a head count cut.

so we are totally far from safe here. if we were in american idol, we are those bottom-2 vote-getters standing waiting for ryan seacrest to say, 'american voted... you are...' then briskly go to commercial break. in fact, maybe we are even in a worse condition. i mean, for swine flu, at least you could wear mask, swallow all the tamiflu you've got and stay safe, but for us here, nothing could shield us from that probable pink letter verdict. nothing.

it's as if you've got a cancer, and the doctor refused to tell you if you would survive or how long more before you die. plain vain, right? i say, let it over with already but no, they are gonna squeeze every ounce of your efforts first, and then shoo you off with pathetic compensation package.

so at the moment, we live with this uncertainty. every now and then i would forget this dilemma when my hands are busy typing those numerous work reports while my headphones blasting lady gaga's poker face over and over again, but when i passed by every corners every cubicles there would be whispers speculating about this, making me all depressed again.

i wonder, so what's their evil attitude?




...ed

hoe down throwdown

there is a dog lazying on the grass just beside the road that i take every morning to enter the highway. it's black and shaggy, and i call him, ..well, shaggy. it's at that part of the ground in between major roads, so nobody comes and disturbs. so every morning i will see shaggy curling to sleep, or just on lying his tummy watching the cars pass by. it kind of starts my day...

nowadays, i just wish that i were that dog. because there is definitely no time for me to laze around and enjoy the surroundings anymore at work. the workload is just crazy. when you have to plan to walk by the canteen on the way to the lab so that you can grab some bread and eat it during that 5 minutes walking journey, you're not exactly having a walk in the park working time.

but i'm not complaining. at this recession time, i'm just blessed to have some work to do. god knows how many people out there willing to do anything to just make ends meet. anything, you know, other than being a cleaner, or a maid in singapore which i don't understand why. the point is, job is precious.

it just means that i'm always operating on low battery mode at the end of the day. i feel just like a soldier who has just survived a battle, and have to get ready for another battle the next day. it's physically draining, which is why i no longer do occasional gym at night anymore. should be fine, because with all the walking up and down the lab, i bet i clock in enough miles to stay fit.

it's mentally draining too. i can't stress this enough, but having some peace and quiet after the long working day, is totally a bless. you would understand after having a pager that beeps and a desk phone that rings all day long, knowing you'd be interrogated for data each and every time you answer them. that is why i find solace in my xbox top spin 3 and facebook mob war because they don't demand anything from me, and the fact that i could just shut them off whenever i want.

so what makes my day on this sunday night, on the brink of monday blue (which to be frank, doesn't feel much like a monday blue to me because every single working day is a monday for me nowadays. in fact, i worry more about nadal's performance in barcelone open tonight) is that i'm going for a vacation this thursday.

yeah baby, vacation! it's a good friday holiday this friday (duh!) and we're going to take a night train the night (double duh!) before to kelantan the northern state of malaysia. then we are going to proceed to perhentian island the next day to live and breath as islanders till the middle of the next week.

even better? there would be no pager and no phone for me there. even if the world stops spinning, then be it. i'm sure the president won't take calls either on his vacation because the vice president takes charge. you know, unless the aliens come and invade the earth or something...

i just feel that i deserve it. with continuous 12 hours a day work with no overtime pay, and no aircond past 7 at night, surely i'm due for a short break. ok, maybe i just came back from bali a few weeks back, and the labuan trip a few weeks before that but those were short trips, so they don't count.

this time round, i bet shaggy is gonna miss me. not that i think it notices me all these time, but again, i bet it's hard to notice things when you're that relaxed anyway. i will know in a few days time.





...ed

all i ever wanted

you know, i tried hard to treat today just like any other day.

..because for all we know, today is indeed just like any other day. nothing significant, just another page in the calender. come tomorrow, i'm sure nobody's gonna even remember what's going on today.

unless, you know, if japan really shoots down that north korea's satellite, or abdullah, uppss.. tun abdullah badawi suddenly decided not to pass down his job to najib tun razak.

man.. imagine the chaos.. ppl would be talking about 3 April for years.. just like 9-11 has become.

however, chances are, nothing of those are gonna happen tomorrow. why should they? nothing fascinating happened in the world anymore nowadays since everybody is busy facing the recession.

3 April is gonna come and go, and let's face it, even if they skip a day and let the date be 4 April tomorrow, nobody's gonna even notice.

but still, i couldn't help it. by right, i should just do my routine weekdays night - play mobwar, facebooking, check the latest tennis score, catch the latest episode of lost, then sleep while watching friends.

except, everything i do tonight i feel like there's significance to it to my one year from now. like just now, i even made my bed, and tidied up my room a little bit because i was afraid if i left them all messy by the time the clock striked 12, they would be messy all year long. i threw away the garbage and also opened my windows up wide to let all the good wind inside. even my underwear i chose a bright red coloured one.

i never think myself as superstitious. ok sometimes when i watched tennis live on tv i felt that my sitting position could affect the outcome, or everytime when i blow the birthday cake candles, i really thought my wish would come true but i'm sure those are the only ones. full stop.

the fact is, i'm really emotional facing this day. i know ultimately age are just numbers but people judge you by that number. i mean, let's say you look for a job, wouldn't it make a difference if you are 25 vs 35? or even 45? it really affects your chance on landing the job, isn't it? .. and people say age are just numbers.

the truth is, i'm pretty comfortable at where i am now. and when i'm comfortable, i wouldn't want to leap out from my comfort zone. especially when the zone is probably moving towards the natural path of life.

they said, 4 things we cannot avoid in this life - birth, sickness, old and death. and i'm probably already more than halfway through there. if i'm the petrol meter inside cars, i couldn't even get through singapore custom to get to malaysia without being fined.

there, i mentioned the word 'fined' in my first blog after 3 April. you'd think i won't freak out...

anyway, i just wanna state down that for another year, i wish to be more prosper, happier, healthier, and blessed.

amen.

.. and now blow the candles...




...ed