a public affair

life goes on as usual since i came back from idaho.

work has been busy. not that we were rushed or anything, it's just that after those trainings we got in the states, we were just eager to prove ourselves, i guess.

the good thing is, i received a pretty handsome increment after the performance review. well, not good enough to be promoted to principle as this cubicle-mate of mine (he's my batch), but at least it was a double digit.

anyway, who cares about promotion? i just enjoy the fact that i can go back in time whenever i want and don't have to return on weekends.

which could mean slower productivity and a bit more stressful during updates, (and sometimes a lot of fibbings too) but it's not like the company profit will be affected or anything. i'm just like a small fish in a big ocean.

after work just now i came back and went for a swim at my place. it was so peaceful swimming late in the night. none of those irritating children around or bunch of elders sitting by the pool watching me grasping for air everytime.

the truth is i suck at swimming. i don't understand how ppl can swim leasurely from end to end as if they can fall asleep while doing it. i swear their insides must be filled with air bubbles or sth..

as for me, the gravity seems to work harder everytime i'm in the water. i struggle to stay near the surface, so by the time i reach at the end of the lap i'll be breathing like a fish out of water.

the only difference is that, unlike the fish i'm relieved to be out.

i'll be going back to kl this weekend. not exactly looking forward to it as i hate travelling. i bought the ticket for hari raya holiday too while i was at the ticket booth just now, but on the way back i realized i have purchased the wrong date.

damn.

i don't know why but i'm just very blur sometimes. today during lunch, i was already few minutes into my meal when my friend alerted me that i held the fork upside down.

fork upside down! can you believe that? i don't even know how i managed to complete a few mouthful with that.

i am such a durr-brain.



...ed

walking on broken glass

sunday morning. damn i was gonna oversleep a bit but was woken up by stomach pain, must be the effect from this tea i drank last night. urghhh.. if you must know that i'm not exactly a daily toilet person, so once in awhile i just need ermmm...help.

my hands are still sore from the beach volleyball game yesterday. i don't understand how ppl can survive a volleyball match with the ball that hard. if i had kept on playing i imagined my thumb wld have been dislocated beyond my wrist. it was a torture.

it was good fun though. i mean who wld have imagined there's a beach volleyball court just behind our office building in the company compound, with the sea is like 200 miles away?

tomorrow is a working day again. a normal working day. we talked about work last friday during our usual long tea break chat. we bitched about how we hate our jobs and agreed we made a wrong choice of going into engineering. we even thought about going for higher education and snatched jobs from other lines.

but that's as far as it goes. tea break over, we returned to our desk, to our real life and everything goes on as it is. the truth is, we are too afraid and too insecure to make big moves in our life. weekend comes, then monday and we'll bitch about it again the next time we chat.

as for me, i'm just looking forward to returning to s'pore. i expect being away for a moment will make me feel fresh again at work, so i won't be flipping those recruitment section in the newspaper anytime soon. plus, my mortgage loan interest is going rise this year so i'm not exactly in a position to make risky changes.

i'm starting to have all these dreams about home. last night i dreamed about my fish. bunch of them died, and the one surviving was so ugly i couldn't even remember i had them.

urghhh....


...ed

the final countdown

i had 2 farewell eat-outs today, so now i felt a bit bloated. this is seriously not good for my body. but what's worse is that we were saying goodbye to my office cubicle-mate who'll return to s'pore tomorrow.

it's kinda depressing thinking about going to work tomorrow to an empty cubicle. it makes me want to go back home too, but it's still about 3 weeks before my return.

3 weeks is quite a long time now when i think about it, but not too long to message this old friend in tokyo warning him of my arrival because i plan to stop over in japan when i transit there. apparently the flights are tight so i cannot alter my schedule. mind you i've already got a horrible flight timings. arriving portland and have less than an hour for an international connecting flight? what's up with summer in the states?

anyway, i still can't wait. it's not like being here in the states is a bad thing. i mean, i enjoyed it at first, having went to all those gorges, parks, lakes, not to mention las vegas few weeks ago.. but after all of that, i still long for home. i mean, ppl always say it's always greener on the other side of the fence, so comparing with the desert here in boise, s'pore does look more tempting...

ok now i'm gonna start crossing dates on my calender...


...ed

honey, i'm home

sometimes when i reached home after a long day, i'd open my house door and said,' honey, i'm home...'

then.., 'oh i forgot i'm not married.'

yeah that's michael pfeiffer's lines in batman returns, you know, the catwoman.

i like that scenes. only that now i cannot say it loud enough till my neighbours next door cum my colleague and his wife heard it and think i'm such a lunatic.

or worse, a loser.

we had fun yesterday, driving along the western heritage historic byway not far from boise, idaho with 2 other friends. this was the 2nd time for us, having gone all the way to shoshone and sun valley last sunday.

it's like we've bonded and became some sort of travel mates or sth. we're adventourous and organized but flexible ppl, and most importantly look good inside photos.

ok who am i kidding? i look horrible inside photos. especially now that my cheeks ballooned up that i filled up half the photos with my big face.

it's frustrating. i can do sit-ups for my abs but what should i do with my face? chew chewing gums? or just chew my tongue?

anyway, i've started jogging every week. last week i jogged all the way to this boise river and found out they have this nature conservation area there with walk trails. the water was flowing fast because of the wet season, and it was refreshingly cold. i could hear wild birds somewhere in between those trees.

to my suprise, there were ppl canouing at the river too, those small and short ones that could only fit one person. they greeted me when they saw me.this is precisely why i like this land and its ppl. if it was in asian countries, those ppl wld just row even faster seeing someone alone in a bush trail.

i was so engrossed to this environment that i didn't realize the sky suddenly turned black. i completely forgot that the storm was due that evening. so i quickly jogged back, but the rain started falling halfway. the strong wind made it even harder to run. there were thunders sounding like they were coming nearer and nearer.

so there was i trapped in the open space. it was scary. i was almost tempted to hitchhike back but i figured with my wet clothes, might not be a good idea. plus i just didn't have the guts. so i ran as quickly as i could till by the time i arrived at the supermarket nearby my place, i was almost knocked out.

whoever said that jogging is good for health? i sincerely beg to differ.

the shoshone falls was breathtaking. it was obviously nicknamed 'the niagara falls of the west' for a reason. due to the wet winter, the falls was having its highest waterlevel in years, so the water fell with even more overwhelming impact, filling the air with water droplets. the sun was such at a perfect angle that we could see a very clear rainbow at where the water falls. it was such a beautiful sight.

only that the water droplets drenched us in no time, making us all wet and cold. even our camera lenses was wet.so as much as i enjoyed the scenery, i couldn't wait to get out of there and be someplace dry and warmer.

the condition was so much better yesterday when we visited the snake river bird of prey national conservation area, which is the main attraction along the western heritage historic byway. this snake river, no doubt getting its name from its shape, flows in between high canyons where the raptor birds make the steep stony canyon edges their nests.

i wouldn't say that was the best canyon view i've ever seen because the colours were a bit dull. the river was kinda greyish, while the canyons all brownish. flaming gorge in utah looked much better with blue river and flaming red stones canyons. but still, the height and the mere size of it were enough to make me go ga-ga. i mean, let's face it, it's not like i could see this in s'pore.

few weeks of nature, i almost feel that i've had enough of it. good that next week, it'll be a whole new thing for me. i won't reveal much now except that it's sth to do with local traditional culture, and ermm...smokey mountain pearl, hehehe...

other than that, i'm looking forward to the next episode of charmed too. damn, would the charmed sisters quickly battle off with the ultimate powers? it's getting on my nerves. well at least, nobody dies yet, unlike the latest episode of Lost. they killed off my favourite ana lucia! can you believe that? stupid michael. ..and i thought nothing could go worse after the american idol booted out pariss bennett last tuesday.

sheeeshh!!!

definitely not sth that i'd prefer going home to...



...ed

cranky old b*tch

it's already almost 10 saturday morning, and i'm getting desperate to find sth ermm.. productive to do today.

it looks like a lovely weather outside... which is not a suprise. being a total weather bitch as it is, of course the weather's good when we don't plan anything. we actually planned to visit this shoshone falls, 3 hrs drive away today but found out it'll be thunderstorm shower at that place.

the ironic thing is, the rain will stop and be all sunny and beautiful on monday.

typical.

i mean who needs the sun when you're surrounded by those lab walls in the office? it could very well be a tornado outside and i'd still be probing wafers.

ok this might not be entirely true, but hey, as if the tornadoes will actually reach this northwest land...

3 weeks and counting. life here has been pretty good except the fact that these locals here like to speak with closed mouth. seriously! they open their mouth like 50% smaller of normal ppl when they speak, you know, like those cowboys always do. you'd think they had gold in their mouth they're afraid to spill out.

it's such pain in the ear for me so i have to ask them to echo everytime they mumbled sth. they must think i'm such a short deaf asian or sth by now...

well, i'm a foreigner so what do i know? at least i speak english, unlike those ppl that sang star spangled banner in spanish that caused uproar recently in the states.

i don't know what some ppl are thinking. as mush as i despise bush, as least he speaks some sense criticising this. i mean, national anthem sung in another language? isn't that insulting? what's after this? change the flag colour to red and yellow with a bull in the middle?

but i'm not gonna fret about that as much. i have a city to explore. few days ago i purposely overshot my apartment after work, thought of trying new roads to see where they led. then suddenly this road i was on became a long stretch of one way street and i panicked.

it's hard enough to keep other cars at distance, then i have to remember my barings? i'm never good at this. so i'm thinking of giving it another try venturing today. the aim? wal-mart which is 11 miles away.

after all, what can be a better time venturing when your petrol is being paid for? i didn't even pay attention to those oil price hike or energy saving crap they kept on discussing nowadays on national tv. for me, it's like in awhole another world.

oh, the live score featuring all spanish nadal vs almagro in open seat godo tennis semifinal that i kept open on my pc has just ended. nadal won his 46th consecutive games on clay, which kinda made my day! not that i'll receive anything out of this other than, well, happiness when your favourite wins, but still.... i'm happy!

perhaps, this could be that productive thing that i wanted to do today!


...ed

an affair to remember. or not...

i'm not in a good mood.

i just called D just now and i got wrong number, even though i know it was D who answered. it was pretty obvious i don't know who was this person kidding.

that just confirmed my suspicion when my few recent attempts for communication failed. unanswered mails are still ok but when sms goes unreplied, you kinda get the hitch sth's gone wrong.

what is it with distance? the moment 2 ppl be apart, whatever that is holding between them cracks, and go into the drain. like it never happened at all. and this is not the first time. last time i got sms saying 'i'm already attached don't bother me' sms after being away for 3 months.

this just proved that certain relationships are just based on physical encounters. as simple as that. i mean, that is only the difference, right? ppl can still get emotional intercourse while being 8000 km apart.

the thing is, some ppl do manage to hide this fact brilliantly. they can be super nice and caring to you face to face, body to body, giving you false hope that everything's heaven but the fact is they have selective memory the moment they realized you won't be nearby to fulfill their certain needs.

well, not that it really matters to me. after all, this was just an affair.

an affair!

affairs are not meant to be long lasting. in fact, it's better that it's short-lived so that it won't disrupt real relationships. after all, affairs are the hottest for the first few times and get colder as time goes on. with D, it was just a hang-out, or rather hang-outs.

i'm not gonna be disappointed at all because of this. in fact, it was stupid just to let this affects my mood. i mean, is it worth it? yeah, D was there when i was alone and needed company before, and yeah D kinda changed my perception of star wars and watching it from the sofa won't be the same thing again, but those were it. full stop.

but still, having sth is always better than not having anything. this must be the lesson i got from all these years living in s'pore. greedy and never satisfied.

which is why in some way i'm grateful for this temporary work attachment in the states, where i can tune back my negative attitudes to being a better human being again. everyone knows those americans are god's greatest creation ever.

i mean, just look at their leader. he can tell there were WMDs in iraq eventhough they could not be seen by naked eyes or satellite. such a superb skill. now when he says iran is building nuclear weapons, iran is building nuclear weapons. in fact, it's a matter of time before he actually realized that ahmadinejad is actually osama with his beards shortened and trimmed.

so i'm sure there's a lot i can pick-up from this great great land. hey, i even managed to pick up driving skills here thanks to the big roads and absence of reckless drivers.

if i'm lucky, i could pick an affair or two here too. who knows???


...ed

salty lake and flaming dam

i watched charmed the other day, and there was this part when paige summoned this 'lady inspriration' to give, well... inspiration to this to-be boyfriend so that he could finish writing some letters of recommendation he was assigned to and went out for a date with her.

right now i swear my 'lady inspiration' must be sleeping from jet lag. i have lots of stuff in my head to write about but they just don't come out smoothly in words. like the words just failed me or sth.

suddenly i found the sofa is very tempting than this dining table where i had my laptop. i like to curl up with my blanket on the sofa with tv remote in my left hand and agatha christie novel on the other. i expect the moment i lay my back on it, i'll forget all the horror i faced while practising driving just now.

this colleague was kind enough to 'put his life in jeopardy' tutoring me how to drive. well, maybe not to that extreme considering i just went round and round at tha apartment car park. but alas, it takes gut with my horrible handling of the steering. it was like 10 years ago when i last driving.

i must say, driving is not really my thing. it's just human nature, we always have sth we just find it hard to get hold to.

just like some ppl are really not into skiing. you can beg them to go but for them it's just a waste of time and probably money too. but when this colleague asked if i wanted to go, i said yes right away. i love skiing.

so we went to this ski resort which is 2.5 hours away from our place in boise, idaho it's called brundage ski resort. i was actually quite suprised the ski place is still open considering now is already mid-april.

turned out not only we had enough snow for skiing, it was snowing like crazy the whole day there. one time i took the ski lift to the mountain top and didn't have the gut to ski down.

before you judge me, think about it rationally. the visibility was bad, and the slope was steep at some places. what if i fall down and knocked unconcious? i expect i'd be covered in snow in less than 10 minutes. it could be life threatening you know.

plus i haven't been able to ski properly because of the big ski board. i felt like i was the bigfoot lost in johore forest.

but on and all, i quite enjoyed the experience. this is a different kind of excitement than salt lake city and flaming gorge in utah trip we went to last weekend. that was filled with breathtaking sceneries, especially the salty lake and the red canyon, which compensated the long car ride we needed to go through to get there. it was 5 hours drive, and that, mind you, was with speeding speed. the feeling of being in a speeding car was in fact, another kind of thrill altogether.

that utah trip and the ski trip in just over a week, i am a bit impressed with myself. of course it'll be good if i progress that much at work too. i must say i am still in the learning curve in office. let's just say, the situation is a bit complicated.

well, i guess i need 'lady inspiration' more than ever in the office instead.



...ed

birthday bash and then gone

the past months has come and go like a blink of an eye. one minute you're writing, spending life leasurely in your 20s, then suddenly you found yourself in your 30s and counting wrinkles below your eyes.

not to mention that i have wrinkles under my eyes, of course. or else, biotherm anti rides peel has lots to answer.

one main evidence is the birthday bash i had last weekend. i actually planned it to be kinda house warming cum farewell bbq party on my part (as i'll be leaving for the states to work for awhile), but eventually it became wilder at the end.

wilder as in my friends tried to trick me and throw me inside the pool. furthermore, i got the birthday cake thrown at my face too. those are not the thing ppl usually do to old ppl with wrinkles, right?

exactly.

so i had a great time then. now have to compile those home videos taken on that day and turn it into a nice memory collection. it'll be a lot easier if i have a pensieve to store my thoughts and memories a la in harry potter movies but that just showed that some dreams would be too good to come true.

then i had to prepare for my trip to idaho. that means, spending some time with CY. while the most happened with DV was just phone calls. which i was glad for, as i came to my senses not to do anything stupid.

oh and also kissing my fishes good bye, for a moment. i do hope they'll still be alive and well when i return. i have 7 now, 3 lion-head oranda, 2 fantails, 1 pearl scale, and i just added a black ryukin to make it lucky-7 (one of the oranda, truffle, died within one month in the tank).

it's weird thinking that a moment ago i was busy changing aquarium water for the last time until cy come and clean it again 2 weeks later, and now i'm about 8000km away in a foreign land.

foreign beautiful land that is. i always see housing area in the states from tv, like wisteria lane in desperate housewives, where the houses have big, well-maintained lawn, no fence separating from one another, big roads etc. now i'm actually living in such neighbourhood.

of course minus those desperate ladies. it kinda like a deja-vu, seeing a place so familiar but yet never been in one before. i'm glad i could enjoy it after receiving such a shock at portland airport clearance.

get this. i'm holding a US passport, made in 2001, with only two stamps inside - 09/09/2001, and 15/09/2001. and the fact that my middle name is 'bin' doesn't help either, i might as well wearing a turban with osama bin laden signature on it.

it was scary. i was held back by the security and my things were inspected 100%. i really meant 100%. they actually emptied my wallet, checked files inside my laptop, and inspected the contents of my thumb drive. i was just supprised they didn't check what i could potentialy hide in between my butt cheeks.

that was the first time i felt like i was a criminal. all the thing i did was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. well, i guess coincidental is not really a word to explain things nowadays.

which was why while i was dragging my legs towards the next connection flight's gate, being in a total shocked state after the long interrogation, wishing i have someone to talk to, i saw this colleague in one of the restaurant's window, eating.

i mean what are the chances? like this is all fated. i mean, what's friend when they couldn't be there when u need them most. he was in transit, which i knew beforehand, but never made plan to meet up. talking to him kinda made myself relaxed again.

though i don't know how long i will have this fobia of being interrogated. like any moments fbi or cia could crashed on my door, and swat team coming down in ropes from my ceilings.

anyway, for now, i want to just worry about how the office ppl turns out tomorrow when i meet them first time. i hope they would turn up as nice ppl, letting me come back from work on time everyday. well even if that's not gonna happen, at least i can be rest assured they won't ask me questions like which street did i stay when i visited new york in 2001, which was like a gazillion years ago to me.

or plan to throw me inside the swimming pool.


...ed

finding nic

it's halfway through the weekend. saturday night is like weekend half time, and i'm celebrating it as it is. sit back and enjoy.

i went to pasir ris mainland tropical fish farm today. actually i just started to keep gold fish since last week! partly because this friend gave me his 2ftx1ft tank complete with filter and lights, which only left me with, well, water and fish to add. and of course, the knowledge and effort to keep the fish alive.

so i have now nic, peach, truffle and mendisa as my housemates. they are oranda gold fish. nic and truffle are flaming red, while peach and mendisa are more orangey.

i'd sit quietly in front of tank on my bean bag and just observe the fish swimming around for minutes. i feel that i'm learning new things about them by the moments. like nic is the active one while truffle like to float quietly as if meditating at bottom tank.

i have another friend who's working in this fish industry (research or import-export, i don't remember) mentioned to me that buying fish could be addictive. well, i'm not sure about that but seeing my tank barely full with only 4 little gold fish, i went of to the fish farm today, u know, just to see around.

and ended up with 2 more gold fishes, which i swear it's not a sign of addiction at all. this time they are fantails. or at least i think they are. there were barely anybody for me to ask at the fish farm, and when there were, they either did not look friendly enough or were some foreigners who i doubt speak much english. plus, there were dogs, looking every bit like stray dogs, roaming around making me just wanted to get out of there asap.

surfing the gold fish website (koko's gold fish, i love this website!), i'm pretty much sure they are fantail. just that ryukin does look similar, so they could be ryukin too. i chose a red one with white at the head below the nose area, which i named KC and an a calico (red, white stripes with black patches all over) which I named N-Korr.

can't wait to show CY next week ;p i wish i could take photos of them and post here but i'm a bit afraid to use flash. this may sound stupid, but would the flash blinds the fish or sth?? or cause them stress? i cannot believe not even one fish website have anything on this.

so there goes my saturday half time.

i met this fella, DV during silicon technology workshop at NTU yesterday, as weird as it sounds, at toilet entrance. we changed contacts and DV was hoping to visit me sometimes. well nothing has been decided so far. as much as i can use some company who doesn't grow any dorsal fins during this weekend, i hesitate to make the first move partly because if anything does not go right, at least i did not initiate it (hmmm, when i put this into writings, doesn't sound like a decent thing to practise, does it?).

i guess i'll just look forward to changing the fish tank for the first time tomorrow then.


...ed




...ed

life can be so cold

i was on the train yesterday, to join the weekly badminton session at thomson cc. living in the east, i felt like i was on a quest, travelling half the island. just that instead of sword, i carried a badminton racket. well, anyway, there was this guy sitting beside me inside the train, doing essay questions while referring to this tiny brown book.

glancing surreptitiously, i found out it was the bible he was holding, and the questions he was doing went like 'what do you think jesus would say to ', or 'what do you think of the '.

i found it interesting. when i studied religion when i was young, we were just given stuff to remember. we just read off the cream of the holy quran but never really read the actual God's words in it. there certainly never been chance to question or to really think and digest any particular religious affairs during the classes. we recited the holy words in its original text without knowing the meanings.

so when there's a turmoil following the blasphemous and offending cartoon published by the danish newspapers and several european countries thereafter, i was not totally surprised.

there were mixed reactions. some decided to burn flags, other boycott danish products, some burnt embassies, some initiated cartoons on holocaust, some started to harass danish ppl, and some even threatened their safety.

the levels of how the muslim intrepreted and then reacted to the event are largely different. it just showed how divided we are in terms of religious understandings. we were easily influenced under the name of so-called religious acts because the understanding of the religion itself is shallow. we follow some religious personnel sometimes ever so blindly rather than the words of God, which we never really digest in our lives.

seeing the mess of the world affairs now, i think it totally fits when mariah carey sang her 'fly like a bird' number in the 48th grammy awards last thursday. it was such a powerful gospel performance, and i loved it when she ran all over the stage and waved her non-microphone hand like a maniac 'coz i can totally feel that she really felt the song. i've been playing that clips over and over again and enjoyed the tingling sensation all over my spine during the gospel peak.

madonna's performance was nothing spectacular, mainly because i've seen her performing the routines during mtv europe awards sometimes back. other than purple leotard she donned this time, and she no longer wore the USD20,000 diamond eyelashes, the rest were exactly the same. you'd think a creative performer like her would do sth different considering how global our tv programs are.


...ed

just watch me burn

martina hingis unexpectedly won her first match against maria sharapova yesterday in tokyo toray pan pacific open semifinal. not only did she beat her, she actually thrashed her. so much for power will prevail over craftiness that currently informally written all over the tennis world.

the stupid starhub cable never showed that on tv, unreliable as always. so i just resorted to enjoying all the comments on wta tennis forum last night. haha take that those doubters! i was so engrossed on maria thrashings till before i knew it, it was already close to midnight and i had not even showered yet.

however good times always never last. hingis was in turn trashed today in the final against elena dementieva. urghh. i hate it when she lost. i don't even dare to open the wta forum now in case i'd cut my wrist by the time i reach end of the page. heck i even went for 2 rounds of lunch today just to make myself feel better.

call me crazy but that's how i feel. i'm sentimental for things like this. after all, not like i have much going on to occupy my times from worrying about other ppl's fate thousands of kilometres away who doesn't even know i'm exist.

my family already went back to kl last friday after staying in my house for about a week. as much as i enjoyed their company, i'm glad that i have my life back once again. most of all, i'm glad i have my bedroom back. my brother and his wife came over too so my mum suggested that i gave my bedroom to them and i could sleep in the living room. can you belive that?

it's bad enough that i don't have my own room everytime when i'm at my parents house, now i don't even have room and privacy under my own roof? after all, isn't bedroom supposed to be the most personal space?

but of course, i had to play a good host and kept all those feelings inside me. in fact, i never make my deepest feelings known to my parents, ever. i even stopped by raffles hotel to buy this expensive 7-layered chocolate cake after a day work so that they can taste this divine desert, just to found myself back home and see other ppl sleeping on my bed. i had to sleep early too because my pc and my xbox were all inside my bedroom.

so of course i'm glad that they are gone.

not that i'll be anything short of activities when i was left alone. i went to my office's department manager open house in bukit gombak yesterday. that's like all the way across the island from where i am. i had to buy newspaper to make myself busy along the one hour train ride.

then i took a trip to hougang for my close friend one-month baby celebration. i didn't get to eat much here as i didn't know whether the food was pork free. plus, after a week of home cooked food while my parents were here, i can really do with a light dinner to bring down my weight a little. i still have couple of containers with food inside my fridge that i don't know what to do with.

i saw this biotherm advertisement inside newspaper few days ago that they just released this anti-rides line peel for men to promote skin renewals and reduce wrinkles. so i dropped by tampines mall on my way back from hougang to take a look. it was at 82 dollars, which is a tad expensive, but i guess that's a small price to pay to look and feel good. not that i'm old or anything, these lines on my forehead are totally result of excessive thinking. at late 20s, you just gotta be prepared. considering the unhealthy environment we live in, it's normal to have premature aging signs. you just have to make effort to look good.

after all, i'm sure i won't be asked to surrender my own bedroom in any circumstances if i manage to get a legal lifelong partner to sleep with.



..ed

that memoirs in the spotlight

yesterday i watched 'memoirs of a geisha' sneak preview show.

i read the book when the novel got some publicity when madonna decided to portray hatsumomo in her nothing really matters videoclips from her ray of light album, even donning full geisha costume in her grammy openings.

that was back in 1999.

i remember going from book shop to book shop to find this novel. i was still studying in japan at that time, and english novels were not exactly abundant in supply.

i've never heard of arthur golden before, and i'm not really a memoir fan 'coz let's face it non-fiction is 90% boring, but hey, the biggest celebrity not only read it, but influenced by it, so it must be good, right?

so when i heard stefen spielberg was going to turn this into film, i was excited. moreover, he has such a cool choice of actresses. i like zhang ziyi and michelle yeoh. i've lost count how many times i see they fight in crouching toger hidden dragon in that wooden house. as for gong li, never seen her on the big screen before but she does have this long-fingernailed-villain look in her.

ok back to the movie. the sceneries, from falling cherry blossoms to bustling streets of gion, were breathtaking. zhang ziyi and gong li are gorgeous donning geisha clothes and make ups. the moves and dances were delicate and simply beautiful. i can almost taste the culture out of my tongue tip. i heard they had to attend geisha lesson for six weeks, walking with thin slice of paper in between knees while balance sth on their head and i must say, it showed.

i like the scenes when zhang ziyi exchanged war of words with gong li in the tea house. ppl should learn that you know, a very feminin and classy way to bitch around. indeed words are sharper than swords when used affectively. though sometimes i couldn't but aware that the words were merely dialogues written for the movie when hearing zhang ziyi's cheeky lines, 'coz zhang ziyi and good command in english do not exactly go hand in hand.

the movie got a bit draggy at the end after the world war scenes but still in overall i'll give it 7 over 10.

a memoirs indeed.


...ed

resolution mess

one week plus into the new year, and i already have one more point to add up to my new year resolution.

that is, to not say anything that would risks backfire. more specifically, anything about marriage (hereby known as the M word) and ermm...babies.

i was casually chatting the other day about this colleague who had just became a father (my ex-housemate actually) when my stupid blabbermouth, as smooth as the flow of the water, innocently asked this other friend who got married like more than a year ago..' so when is your turn?'..

i should have known that this wasn't a thing that a guy with an overdue marriage plan, which in fact still as far beyond the horizon, should say. true enough, faster than you could ever say 'marriage', he asked me back, 'no, when is YOUR turn to get married then?'...

then he and the whole table members (we were having breakfast) started talking numbers, mentioning the evil 30 that is due coming for me this year, which if you asked me, was more harsh and inappropriate compared to the baby plan that i brought up, or even the marriage plan that they brought up. urghh.. like they have no other better topic to discuss.

i mean, what about discussing the building that collapsed in the holy city of Mecca last week, where the efforts to seek for survivors were being stopped after just 24 hrs? 24 hrs! ppl could stop their breath longer than that.

ok maybe not, but shouldn't it be like 3 days that ppl can survive without any food and water? Is it because it's a holy land, we should encourage death without sound efforts to rescue them?

or what about that recently-unpopular-decision-maker ariel sharon that conveniently 'wiped off' israel's political arena with a sudden massive stroke which apparently could be due to 'doctor error'? what about his family members then who were out of a sudden found themselves accused of bribery? time definitely not on their sides.

world affairs go in mysterious ways. human affairs do too. Else, how come week and a half in the new year i could find myself entangled in some 3 dimensional r/ships, which i never really had done before? i don't even have this in my new year list. in fact, this could very well enter my 'things to do before i'm 30' list.

although it's not actually 3 dimensional. it was me having both r/ships. they have no idea so i kinda like juggling the balls. gosh now i put it in words, it does sound a bit evil but in my defense, i don't love anybody less than before. love is indefinite so my love has grown if anything.

blame it to the fact that things are more adventourous when the r/ship is still green. there are many uncertainties or newfound things that keep my adrenaline going. it's human nature to 'hunt'. and have i mentioned about the killer body? i was in the meeting yesterday and that was all i could think about.

i mean, it's not like i'm dumping anybody anyway, and let's face it, ppl have affairs all the time. it's almost like the unwritten rule of humanity. life is short and we should do whatever it takes to make our life worth it. who knows when we'll be out of love? or when our parents decided to turn up in our doorsteps messing up with our current life affairs with unsaid orthodox restrictions?

just that actually i know when this catastrophe will occur. i went back kl last weekend taking advantage of long holiday to visit my folks. it was a normal trip, staying mostly at homes, stalling and eating a lot. but then they took the opportunity to ask me whether they could spend the long CNY break at my place, which spans a week.

not that i'm complaining. i love my parents, there's no doubt about it. sure i'll lose my privacy, or more importantly my long hours of sleep and doing nothing, and yeah, having sex before marriage is totally out of a question too but hey, it could be a different kind of excitement for me. we can chat and chat now that the swimming pool is under renovation which leaves us with nothing much to do.

and i must remember, not to bring up any matters that could prompt the 'M' word in their minds.

seriously.


...ed

promise of a new day

it has been raining the whole day today, the first day of 2006. i don't know whether this is a good sign or not. so uncertain on what this year could be.

for a start, i would not have predicted that i'd be in a foreign company when the clock striked 12, after spending the whole day together and half a night afterwards.

let's just say now i have new found respect for those ppl that found solace in other ppl's arm during the long absence of their loved ones. now before anybody gets judgemental, it isn't my fault that legal intimacy tends to get a bit cold after a while, and also the fact that some ppl just have a killer body compared to others.

and anyway, it's not like here's canada or sth...

it's just that now i'm not so sure how everything's gonna fit in my life anymore. i guess i'll just go with the flow and see where these things take me throughout the new year.

now that i'm on the topic, as cool as 'my new resolution this year is NOT to make any new resolutions' sounds, i'm still gonna tip sth in conjuction with the new year.

it's simple. i want to stay healthy, and be much happier and richer than what i am today. full stop.

oh and i also would love to master my guitar, and i'm hoping to take some classes to add in new skills too. i wish to possibly hook up with someone that ppl won't actually raised eyebrows to and could actually go somewhere, however impossible this may sound. i also wouldn't mind going for a tour, somewhere far far away, also i want to cherish whichever friends that i have, keep on my r/ship and maintain that a fling or two may just spell the beginning of sth wonderful.

after all, whoever knows if we had really reached the finished line?


"time over time what will change the world?
no one knows
so the only promise is a day to live, to give
and share with one another"


happy new year everyone!


...ed

first dance from afar

i don't like attending weddings.

i used to like the foods, the gatherings when we can chit-chat with our table-mates, table-hopping in between servings, also i like the facts that i can dress-up a bit for the occasion, 'coz when you work as an engineer you're only allowed to wear boring clothes to work.

but recently i started to feel something when i see the matrimonies. the more romantic it is, the more uncomfortable i feel. like just now when i went to this colleague's wedding dinner at sentosa 'the arches.

i was standing at the building balcony overlooking the opening surrounded by oil lamps ala survivors where the couple began their first dance, being led by musicians playing violins and organ at one corner, when i felt something in my heart.

i saw other ppl watching the dance admirably step by step from aside and i very much like to be one of them but i couldn't help feeling envious inside. yeah i think that was the feeling. seeing my old friend whom i played bowling with last time now working in the states and marrying one of the high profile and respected figure in the company, not to mention he's japanese and good looking too.

she has got everything she wanted, didn't she? it's frustrating to see other ppl's good fate and compare it to mine. not that mine's entirely bad but let's face it, i'm not getting married anytime soon. in fact, i'm not sure i'll ever will however bad my father wants me too, so this is something still out of my reach. i hate it when i have things that i cannot have, yet easily accessible to other ppl. it's like i'm cursed or sth.

the were 2 other couples on my table. one of them was this attractive guy with a quite charming girl which looked so in love with each other. the guy from the other couple was not that attractive but at least he has got a wife beside him. me? i was having empty seat on my right, and a rather talkative sometimes annoying colleague on my left. i don't understand where these ppl found their respective soulmates. mine for all i know already drowned in last year's tsunami or maybe among those perished in world war 2.

so when i saw the bride just now playing some tunes from the organ specially for her newly-wedded husband, and when the groom made a touching speech for his newly-wedded wife, i felt so jealous. when i realized i was being surrounded by bunch of married ppl or those already started planning their wedding ceremonies, i felt like a loser.

which is so not what i was expecting to feel on christmas day, after travelling half the island and dropping 80 dollars note in the reception box.


...ed

all i want for christmas

it's christmas eve. if i were going down the chimneys around the world distributing present later, i must be doing some last minute servicing of the sleigh and feeding the reindeers by now.

oh, and also printing the excel file with list of childrens name with 'good' or 'bad' written in the next columns. 'good' in bold green and 'bad' in bold red.

the thing is, i'm not. for once, i'm sitting alone now in my room playing xbox 'top spin'.i just lost in the rolland garros final, so i'm a bit down. ppl must be busy partying outside with friends and special ones, having time of their lives so you probably think i'm a loser.

but hey, i was in a grand slam final, so tell me who's having a lifetime rush of adrenaline?

who needs a christmas party anyway? this year's christmas sucks. everything leading to tonight has been a disappointment.

first, there was this christmas high tea organized by our office department yesterday. yup i typed that right. christmas high tea. who ever heard of that? it was always christmas lunch in previous years. it's like.. married couple not giving wedding dinner in a grand ballroom, but instead, wedding high tea. think they'll live happily ever after?

and the mc, was last year's mc. 4 million ppl roaming this island, they have to resort to the same person. not that i have anything towards repetition, or loyalty for that matter, perhaps this person even came in discounted price this year, but having done his very best last year, he was left with 2nd choice games, tricks and jokes.

so there we were, sitting in not-so-posh furama hotel in chinatown, listening to sub-par programs and eating mediocre foods (no christmas pudding!). cheap and unusable animal suction hanger with words "kiddies enjoy the party time in a bath" in the box that i got for christmas exchange gifts didn't help improve my sentiment.
you'd think it's the thoughts that count, but having received the gift at the entrance reception instead of santa clause distributing from his red sacks last year, i was void of any christmas-sy feelings.

the announcement of the best decorated lorong also was quite an anti-climax. it turned out instead of 2 top prizes, the management decided to award all the lorongs. yes all. then they gave this crap that since everybody gave their whole-hearted effort to decorate, all then should be awarded.

puhleez, that is so only an excuse for not having the gut to call off a winner. it's only right in every competition there'll be winners and losers. it's common sense. think those ppl not coming in top 3 in olympics should also get their respectives medals just because they had given 'their whole-hearted effort'?

so forgive me for being bitter about this year's christmas. having my luck as if turned upside down, i'd be safer and happier at home minding my own little business.

i don't even plan to come down changi airport to pick up my brother later past midnight. he's coming back from jeddah and will stay the night befora taking a bus trip back to kl tomorrow. i'll just inform him my address and ask him to take a cab here.

which makes more sense, considering i'll have to sit quietly by the fireplace waiting for santa with a sauce pan in my hand, in case he's giving me some crappy present.


merry xmas everyone!



...ed

animal city

tomorrow is the official release date of the chronicles of narnia, lion, witch and the wardrobe in singapore.

which i can't be bothered. they could put the cinema screen in front my main door for all i care, and i'd just walk pass through it.

ok maybe not. i caught the show last weekend in JB, half price, and i must say i quite loved it! those talking animals were cute! ..and the queen witch was cool (..and this has nothing to do with her wintery power...)

the only thing is, i appreciate the movie for like 5 minutes before we shifted to another cinema room to catch king kong back to back.

this one is a blockbuster. it was thrilling. the skull island should the last place you want to be with all the weird primitive tribes by the sea shore, those gigantic dinasours stumping everything on their way, those flesh eating carnivours, human size insects, and of course the big ape itself...

now if only the cinema would be void from noisy underage childrens.

it was irritating. some kids were actually running down the isles making noise while their parents became selectively deaf to the nuisance they created. i felt like grabbing those damn kids and throw them head down into t-rex's throat.

seriously.

while narnia's winter ends with the witch's death (or so i assumed that she died because after aslan jumped on her, she was only seen lying on the ground for like 2 seconds. but again, after a lion jumped on you, you'd not be left taking a nap, wouldn't you?), it's still winter in my office.

in fact, it has never been this cold and wintery before. we had cotton snow in every corners, floors and ceilings. the christmas decoration activities was in full force last monday, the day when the judging began. also the day singapore was hit with a serious cotton deficiency.

the best decorated office space result will be announced this friday during the christmas lunch, which i'm so looking forward to. the event last year was a big hit, all enjoyable and fun so i hope this year will be a good one too. the only thing i'm sure of is that it'll be spring in our lorong if we were selected as the winner.

oh, and that there'll be strictly no children during the whole event...



...ed

dangling mistletoes on christmas eve

i just ate toasts for dinner today. toasts! i just felt bloated, like i've eaten too much for the day. i even considered going swimming while walking by the pool on the way back just now. the almost-empty pool looked so tempting but i almost fell asleep in the mrt making me think that i should pamper myself for a good rest tonight.

at work ppl started to decorate their lorong with christmas decorations. we're having this the best-decorated lorong competition which will be due this friday. i thought ppl won't be interested. first, what could we buy with $20 budget? like a few branches off the christmas tree... then, what wld each of us get even if our lorong does get the $150 prize, shared by 15 ppl? like a few cents...

but apparently i was wrong. there were arches in between cubicle partitions with dangling stars, cotton-made snowman, cardboard fire place, even a complete christmas tree dangled with lights. now how's that? i heard ppl even organized meetings to plan their own lorong's decorations. i mean, either ppl are too free from work or maybe i just underestimated father christmas.

the worse thing is, with that kind of atmosphere, ppl almost don't feel like working. how could they? sitting beside the christmas tree surrounded by fake presents, ppl would almost wish for a reindeers trip to get to the lab.

after work, i dropped by raffles place to collect plane ticket for my brother. he'll be flying from kl to s'pore tomorrow on the way to jeddah, so i'll have to pass him the ticket after work at changi. gosh, i always envy ppl that travels for work. it's like the best thing. work for like 5 minutes and spend the rest of the time sight seeing. and being paid for it!

me? i only get to do work under dangling mistletoes.


...ed

swallow me then spit me out

i didn't have chance to utter this out loud but...

MARTINA HINGIS IS BACK!!

it's crap that i don't have anybody around to share this piece of good news. well i have, but not someone who'll care. for all they know, hingis back on the news is like hearing weather forecast of guatemala.

the only tennis fan i know, which is this colleague, is not a hingis fan. and even in ATP tour, he prefers federer than nadal, which is just plain boring.

what ever happened to exclusive good taste?

gosh i missed hingis. i know it's not like i've met her before but i'm glad she's back. the last time when she ruled the tour i wasn't in any position to watch her matches. now at least i can put my 42 inch tv and my S$15 monthly sports channel subscription to a good use.

this may sound crazy but we even look alike! well not that i don short skirt, though i do say a girl is like a man when i see one, but some said that parts of my face resemble hers. or hers resemble mine 'coz i do was born first hahaha!! i'm like a male version of hingis. though it'll be sooner snowing in singapore than me winning the grand slam.

* i was gonna type 'snowing in the middle east desert' in above paragraph but then i recalled dubai has just opened a ski resort, a 3-soccer-field-sized man-made one. gosh i have to go to dubai one of these years *

hingis has this superb tennis senses on court, one of the best craftiness. she makes interesting comments when interviewed, and i'm pretty sure she won't resort to having her mother melanie melator queuing in the next pay counter just so that whoever comes first will make the payment.

can you believe that? that was what i saw while shopping in OG yesterday. when this girl's turn came to pay, her mother who was queuing in the next counter threw the blouse they were gonna buy to this girl, who was queuing in front of me empty handed.

while i have to give them props for finding a stratagic and organized way of queueing for purchace, i was still left stunned for a moment. i bet a few minutes they had saved there could then be put to a better use.

like watching martina's match.

as much as i like worrying for her results when she started playing early next year and perhaps be in danger of being outhit by all those power hitters, i'm more worried now about my brother and his trip to jeddah.

he wanted to fly there this coming week and only looked for tickets last week. i mean, even getting an express bus ticket to a nearby town is almost impossible. ok so i asked for a friend who works in a travel agency to help, and she managed to get him the ticket from s'pore on the 15th.

which should be a happy ending of the story. but while waiting for his passport details via e-mail which never came (which was ironic considering he works in the national biggest telecomunication company) ,the tickets issue date date expired. lucky that somehow my friend managed to get him tickets on the 14th 10pm.

now i was just told that my brother booked a 5pm flight from KL to JB on the same day. 5pm flight! if everything goes smoothly he's gonna reach JB about 6pm. The shuttle bus to S'pore Orchard will take about an hour or more depending on the rush hour traffic, then another 40 minutes traveling time from Orchard to Changi.

i'm not sure how he's gonna take this but i'll freak out if it was me. i mean, if you purchase thousand of dollars worth of air tickets and committed to long journey hours, you won't wanna put anything to waste. it's just too risky.

but hey, he'll probably pull this one off. which i hope he will.

oh and i do wish hingis pull her first match through too!


...ed

signed, sealed, delivered

i'm enjoying peace and quite again.

ok peace isn't too accurate a word to use. it wasn't like i felt violated or stressed from all the activities while my family was here. it was nice with all the companies, and the chatting and spending time around each other. hey, the saying family is gold isn't for nothing...

everything went on smoothly. except maybe that night when i wanted to bring them to east coast hawker center but overshot and ended up near the chalet instead so we had to take cab back to the correct place. plus, it started to rain after we ate i didn't have the chance to show the beach to them.

my mum was like, were we near the sea? didn't realize...

then i realized i left some porn files inside one of the folders on my pc after a day they were here. god knows whether my father ended up opening those during his lengthy use of my pc to surf those political websites which are his second homes. so much of me spending few days in advance sweeping off those dirty files.

anyway i guess it's ok. i mean, it's just some crappy porn files, what's the big deal? i mean, surely it's better porn than actually doing it, right? it's worse if he caught me in bed with another person. at least i'm practising self-control here.

anyway, everything was all said and done. now i feel that i'm back on my life track. i mean, i can take shower at 10pm. i can hear those traffics outside my house again. or blasting confessions on a dancefloor off my 4-surround speakers again. not to mention, (duhh!) i can go to work again!

today the hot topic in morning cafeteria while sipping hot vanding-machine milo and toasts was regarding my ex-boss. apparently he just bought a SGD250K lexus car. yes, a bloody 250K car! it's expensive enough to buy a four room hdb and still have enough left for renovation. and at least hdb is leased minimum 99 years but that car will surely be gone by its 10th year.

some ppl are just plain lucky, fortunate it's almost a crime. well he better be good at work or else he'll find his car with extra pattern scrathes by the time he goes back. not that those are the things we the commoners in the company resort to in the time of vengeance, but again, he must have a reason to park deep inside the company carpark till the car not visible from the crowd path.

me, i'm content of having the most of what's left in year 2005. i think i've been through a lot this year. i've got my own house, keeping my r'ship going on strong the whole year, started picking up guitars and i'm already able to swim.

all signed, sealed and delivered.


...ed